How Come MINE Doesn't Look Like That?!

I am 37 years old and on a whim have decided to grow a moustache for the first time. I wanted a KICKASS cookie duster like Tom Selleck, Sam Elliott or even Lanny MacDonald.

Well it's been 41 days now and I look like a catfish! It isn't fair! I have friends that could grow a moustache in a weekend! Geez my good buddy Sideshow could grow a moustache and full beard (and a new sweater if he tried) while waiting for his laundry to dry! I mean what do I have to do? Take hair-oids or something? Do I need to use some glue and barber shop clippings?! It just isn't fair.

I have to admit as a first time moustache grower, there are a few things I have noticed that are completely new experiences for me. and they aren't all pleasant.

On the unpleasant list are things like gettin' food in your 'stache, or dippin it in EVERYTHING you drink. Even the sound of my bristly little oddity scraping the lid of my Timmy's cup is like nails on a chalkboard! Oh and if you get the sniffles and have to blow your nose.....you figure it out!

It's not all bad though! It does provide endless amusement as I use it to scratch my nose by basically puckering and unpuckering my lips. I also like to rub it with my fingers as it slowly becomes fuller and softer. I even do this weird thing where I try and slide my bottom lip up over my top lip but under my moustache...really these odd facial gymnastics can only be understood by moustache owners, like Tom Selleck, or my 10th grade girlfriend...or maybe my Grandma.

I hate how my moustache looks, kind of like the facial equivalent of Charlie Brown's pathetic Christmas tree. The thing is, like that poor tree, I feel a sort of protective affinity for the little dislocated eyebrow above my lip. Ah who knows, maybe in another 41 days it will be magnificent!

...especially if I can find some glue.

Until next time remember, no Payne, no gain.