Blogger Buffet - Timmy's, Winter, Hockey and more

Ah the first day of Spring! Flowers springing up everywhere, love is all around and the sun is shining happily...wait a second, whaddya mean it's -22 out! Ugh, the calendar may say that it's spring but clearly, at least in Manitoba it's still strictly winter. I am so sick of ice I won't even put any in my drink. Without further adieu here is what's on my feeble mind.

Roll Up The Rim For Nothing! - Ok I know I ranted about it last year but it's getting ridiculous. I checked the odds of winning fine print and it claims that; "there are 111 winners per case of 1000 cups" so that would indicate to me that after buying something in the nighborhood of 400 or so cups, I should in theory have won at least 3 and possibly 4 times. Well so far I have won exactly f*** all! It's not fair, All I want is an IPod Nano or possibly a $1000 cash prize, is that greedy?

The Vancouver Canucks - Ok obviously as a 'Cannots' fan I am used to losing and only making the finals twice in 37 years. It's pretty sad when you're greatest accomplishment is losing in 7 to the Rangers. The team seemed to get close to success in the early 2000's only to fall apart and miss the playoffs altogether last season. The day we acquired Roberto Luongo I knew we would turn things around. After some intitial growing pains early in the season the Canucks have dominated for most of the season since December and has now been in 45 1 goal games, and won most of them. He now has 42 victories and could set an all-time record. Anyway, I hope we at least make the conference finals. I guess really it doesn't matter, either way we'll do better than Toronto.

Ju Jubes, Tasty Treat in 4 Flavours - Let's face it, no one likes the black ones, I usually save those to throw at people anyway. I was a rotund 235 pounds about a year ago and made some serious diet and lifestyle changes that have brought me down to around 200 or just under and I feel much better. Unfortunately I can't resist a good moist ju jube. They are so tasty, especially the orange ones. In fact if I was a rich man I would hire someone to separate the orange ones from the rest for me. That'd be sweet.

Spring Better be Great! - I have had enough of winter, it makes me sick. In fact as I write this it is officially one hour away from Spring time and I am fully expecting the snow to instantly evaporate and the temperature to rise to the high teens followed by the emergence of colourful flowers all over the city...Unfortunately what I will get is more potholes, slushy, brown, melting snow, mud at every entrance and road grime all over my car. Not to mention a constant supply of windshield washer fluid at a rate of 1 container every two days. Winter is nearly as much fun as watching an episode of "The Simple Life" with Paris Hilton.

My Dog's Questionable Sexuality - Ok before I get lynched for saying something negative about gay people, I have gay friends and I have nothing against gay people whatsoever. I just think it's odd for a dog to be of questionable sexuality. So my dog Tito, who has recently reached sexual maturity, has become quite fond of humping. I'm not saying just dogs either. He will hump legs, arms, furniture, anything he can get his furry little paws around really. Now it's understandable I suppose but here's the thing; we recently began babysitting a 4 month old MALE puppy, and I thought that after an exploratory sniff that Tito would lose interest. MAN WAS I WRONG! Tito is relentless! He won't stop trying to get his nose up the other dog's butt unless it is to actually mount the other dog. He is like the terminator, he never stops! I call him the 'Humpinator' and he isn't shy about where or when. On the couch, under the table, halfway up the stairs, it's sick to be honest. The whole time his tongue hangs out and he looks evil and lecherous. He also isn't necessarily concerned with which end he humps, back or front is quite fine in his eyes. Anyway I just thought that it was a little odd and figured I'd share it with you. Man does he need to get neutered fast!

I guess that's it for now, again I apologize for my lack of productivity, but I will make a concerted effort to blog more often now that I am almost out of excuses. Stay tuned over the next couple of days as I name a new Bonehead of the Week, discuss the UFC and ridicule fans of every NHL team but my own. Now if you'll exuce me I have to give my dog a cold shower.

Until next time remember, no Payne, no gain.