Please God, Help Me Stop Facebooking!

C'mon you know what Facebook is right? Good ol' Facebook, The neat little 'social networking' site that has take the world by storm. If you have not heard of this site, then you are either;

a) A hobo

b) Incarcerated, or,

c) Purposely avoiding it you freak!

I started my addiction innocently enough. Someone emailed me and said "Hey, check this out it's a website where you can find old friends and junk" Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight! If only I had known, If only the Canadian Government had a campaign on TV and with Billboards that warned me. Y'know with a catchy 'just say no' style slogan. Like oh I dunno how about; "Spend time with a Good Book not Facebook" or "Facebook, the Silent Killer"

At first I would just spend a little time searching for people I knew. It was cool, I found people I went to school with, people I knew from work, people I met at parties, (remember parties? I used to go to parties before FB!). Later on I started joining groups that interested me. They have groups for anything! Groups of sports fans, groups of music fans, High school grad year groups (mine was in 1988!) and just about anything you can google there is a group for. If only I could have walked away back then.

Soon after I began finding cool applications like 'IQ test' or 'Flixster' or the infamous 'Scrabulous' Sensory overload! Infinite fun! I CAN'T STOP!!!!!!!! Pretty soon your ever-expanding friend list means more friends inviting you to add yet MORE applications and pretty soon you're missing sleep and eating at your desk. Even the poor TV is feeling lonely as you neglect it to watch new entries on the dreaded 'Funwall.' All the while you are racking your brain to come up with new wittier status messages and ever cooler profile photos. Why won't anyone stop me?!

After months of FBAS (Face Book Addiction Syndrome) I hit bottom. I got hooked on the 'Superpoke' application and began to use it to bite, chest bump and throw sheep at all my friends. I also began to covet the lists of my other friends, "How come they have 200 friends and I only have 150? Don't they like me?!" One guy on my list has over 800 friends! it's not FAIR!!!! then sadly I cancelled my 'MySpace' page to concentrate fully on tagging every single person in every photo I posted, leaving me a cold, trembling, nervous wreck....

It's at the point that I'd rather admit to surfing for porn than admit how long I spend Facebooking! I'd write more but I gotta go, I just got invited to use a new application and I have to invite 20 friends before I can use it! then I have to check my human pets, update my causes, play some poker, post to my Superwall, add more Top Friends, make new quizzes, turn more chumps into zombi-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!

Until next time remember, no Payne, no gain.