If at First You Don’t Succeed, Buy Another Gazebo

My wife has a serious addiction. It has been a problem for her for 3 years and I don’t think she can be cured. Many of you may also be affected by a similar problem as this addiction has hit many, many people. The culprit? Backyard gazebos!

2 summers ago my wife couldn’t resist buying a gazebo in the hopes of providing shade and mosquito netting so that we could sit outside in the shade without being eaten alive by mosquitoes (Manitoba’s official bird). It was an 8’ x 8’ gazebo with aluminium tubing and a nice white plastic cover. It took about 15 minutes to put together and came with cute little spikes to hold it in the ground….(yeah right).

The first gazebo lasted about a month before a moderate wind carried it off like Dorothy’s house in ‘the Wizard of Oz.’ We found it about 60’ away from where it should have been and it looked like a crumpled up sheet of paper. I had decided that maybe the winds in our area were not conducive for owning a gazebo. Mother Nature 1, gazebos 0. My wife however was unfazed stating; “We will just have to anchor it better.”

Last year my wife bought another gazebo, but this time I wouldn’t let Mother Nature deprive me so I anchored it, OH did I anchor it. It was held down by weights and straps and rope and pegs. I even taped one edge around part of my house! She held up pretty good and I, like many others before me, assumed that I had won. Mother Nature thought otherwise and came at us with hellacious fury. Winds gusting to 80 km/h one night mixed with heavy rain during a serious thunderstorm said otherwise, and when it was all done, so was the gazebo. While it was still anchored, it had bent and the fabric had torn. Mother Nature 2, gazebos 0.

This should have been the end of the story really, but not when you have an addiction. I would now like to point out the definition of the following word;

Insanity – doing the same thing over and over yet expecting different results.

This past weekend my wife managed to find a used 200-dollar gazebo at a garage sale, (another of her addictions) for the thrifty sum of 20 dollars. It was much heavier, had corner shelves and one of those canvas tops with the vent so that the wind could escape….(yeah right). The former owner swore that all the fasteners were there but remember caveat emptor? (Buyer beware) …We got what we paid for. There were missing fasteners, the bars were slightly bent and the canvas was ripped in places. Oh yes I almost forgot. There were also no instructions. I need instructions. I am useless without instructions, (and sometimes with). Nonetheless we soldiered on and after a trip to Canadian Tire and 4 hours of mistakes and a ot of sewing by my wife, it was up and ready for the patio furniture! 10’ x 10’ of magnificence, and my wife began to think of ways to spruce it up. “Maybe I will put plants on the corner shelves”, “I definitely need mosquito netting”, “I bet I could sew a new top” etc etc.

Mother Nature had other plans. Within 15 hours of its arrival it too had become another casualty getting shredded by the ubiquitous high winds in our area. Mother Nature 3, gazebos 0. My wife was in almost as rough shape as the gazebo and I genuinely felt bad for her. My neighbours think we are crazy which is what happens with addictions. It was at this point that my wife’s insanity finally got hold of me and without hesitating I saw another gazebo at Safeway later that same day and purchased it without a second thought, (or possibly even a first thought). Maybe things would be different this time.

But wait this story actually has a happy ending. THIS gazebo is already put together and can be put up in 3 minutes then taken down in 2 and stored in a handy travelling case with wheels! Now instead of trying to withstand high winds we can take it down and put it away! Finally the heartbreak is over. Mother Nature 3, gazebos 1!

My wife is cured, although the garage sale addiction is too far along to stop. I guess this whole episode has taught me one thing; If at first you don’t succeed, buy a portable gazebo! Until next time remember, no Payne no gain!