Payneful Top 10 - 10 BIG Lies

I lie... Lots of people lie. We say we won't, but we do. You lie, and the fact that you are shaking your head at the monitor right now proves it. I think some lies are ok. Like if a little kid makes something crappy, you MUST say it looks great. If a new girl or boyfriend makes you supper and it sucks, you should say "This is fabulous."

Unfortunately some lies are overused, and that's what I am talking about today.

10) Your call is important to us - No it isn't, if it was, we wouldn't be on hold. I hate being in voice mail jail. At first it wasn't too bad because you could always press '0' and get a live voice. Now though, companies see right through that and you hit '0' and end up with 'That is not a valid choice, please try again..." AAAAAAAAAAH!!! Stupid female robot voice.

9) Lowest price GUARANTEED! - Reeeeally...I don't think so. How many times have you bought something and you find it cheaper somewhere else? Let's face it, most businesses gurantee that if you bring proof of a lower price they will beat it by 5%! Wow, how kind of you...They know we are too lazy to take it back and then go to your store! So we end up NOT getting the cheapest price and promising never to shop there again, but Wal-mart knows you'll be back...

8) We'll be right with you - No they won't, they are only saying that so you won't freak out. Really they are going to ignore you juuuuust long enough to upset you, but not long enough that you'll actually leave.

7) It'll help you grow Big and Strong - No it won't, not unless you excercise too. Oh and by the way Dad eating my Brussel sprouts never did grow hair on my chest. :p

6) The best ____ money can buy! - Clearly untrue, for if it were, you couldn't afford it. Usually this lie is only told when trying to sell something really crappy.

5) Santa Claus, The Tooth Ferry and Nice Lawyers - We all know they are ficticious but we still tell kids that Santa will bring them presents and the Tooth Fairy will take your teeth. Eventually we ruin their lives by telling them the cold hard truth. My best friend's Mom forgot to put money under his pillow because she and his Dad were at a party. She was so hungover that after he asked her why for the fifth time she screamed "Because someone SHOT the tooth fairy! Now go outside!" Priceless.

4) Just a minute/I'll be right there - These are mostly mine, I say these lies with regularity and I am always more than a minute and never right there...unless it involves free stuff.

3) I don't lie - Liar, Liar pants on fire! We all do, just accept it and stop being a wanker.

2) Anything that comes out of a politicians lips - 'We'll cut taxes', 'We'll get tougher on crime', 'We'll invest in education', 'We'll reduce wait times at hospitals' lies lies and more lies. SOme politicians tell great lies, even entertaining ones. How about Bill Clinton and the "I never had sexual relations with that woman..." speech? or Bush talking about WMD's? Or former PM Paul Martin saying "We will get to the bottom of this" on every single scandal that ultimately brought down his government. Hilarious.

1) We'll See - Remember when your parents told you that gem when you asked for something unrealistic? Now you are a grown up and are doing the same thing to your kids! We all know now that 'We'll see' really is code for 'No f***ing way!'

Feel free to send me your most common, or biggest lies if you want. I may add more to this list later I'm not sure...We'll see.

Until next time remember, no Payne, no gain!