Payneful Top 10 - Let it Snow

We had our first decent snowfall yesterday although I admit I was a little disappointed since it started out as a winter storm watch but fizzled. The word was 35 cm of snow was coming, but alas when all was said and done we only got 10 cm (4 inches). So while I wait for the BIG snowstorm I thought I'd pass along ten things I HATE about winter in Manitoba, or should I say ManiSNOWba?

10) How Everything Looks - Some people think that everything looks beautiful covered in a light dusting of snow...now me though. I think it looks like someone spilled liquid paper all over everything! Plus the grey, filthy slushy crap that ends up all over the roads and driveways hardly passes for snow. Yuck, I miss my wet BC winters.

9) Big Snow Drifts - It doesn't take a lot of snow to create a massive snow drift around here, since there is so much flat space (i.e. the entire province). Due to the nature of buildings/obstructions and the prevailing winds you usually end up with drifts in the same place. In my case it is near my back door so every time the wind picks up I have to dig through a huge mountain in one spot, and basically sweep a couple of snowflakes in another. In some areas of the city the drifts interfere with traffic. Very frustrating.
shoveling

8) The Roads - Winnipeg is notorious for it's crappy roads, and not just in the summer either. During the winter ploughing happens infrequently in some areas and you end up with big ruts from where people drove, especially in back lanes. Sometimes they are deep enough that you don't actually have to steer since you are basically driving a slot car. When they do plough you sometimes end up with a sheet of ice that you could skate on (not kidding, I have done it) if the sand truck doesn't come by quick enough. Driving in these conditions is often referred to as 'Road Capades'.

7) Ice - Ice isn't just confined to roads either. The worst spot for ice is usually sidewalks, foot paths and stairs. I partially separated my shoulder in January of 05 bad enough that my shoulder took more than a year to heal and it still bugs me. How did I do it? I slipped on my front step. Ice in gutters causes problems for home-owners, and ice on aircraft causes crashes.

6) Your Vehicle - Speaking of ice, I have gone through a few wiper blades because of ice, but that's not the only vehicle problem. The temperature gets soooo cold here that you need to plug your car in to stop the engine from freezing completely. Even plugged in a lot of cars don't respond well. The tires occasionally get flat spots from sitting too long in the cold or square tires' as I call them. Even the leather interior becomes brittle. I once had a bucket seat break when I leaned over to get something out of the glove compartment. The leather and the foam actually got brittle enough to snap like a dry twig.
all those clothes

5) Walking the Dog - My dog is about a foot tall. When the snow piles up he can't even walk and has to leap along a foot at a time in order to get anywhere. Then when it's time to 'do his business' ...well let's put it this way, if you are a foot tall and the snow is 6" high, where is your...y'know? Anyway, once he is done and leaps back to the door you have to tackle him and try to dry him off before he drops wet snow all over my couch.

4) Salt and Sand - The roads are covered in sand, and my sidewalk and stairs are covered in salt, entrances to many buildings have all that too. Now when you get home this brown grey crud is all over your shoes, in your car, on your car and leaves a legacy of dirt when the snow finally melts. Yuck!

3) Wardrobe - When the mercury plummets lower than Paris Hilton's IQ you have to bundle up. The thing is everyone knows layers are better than a single bulky garment. At a certain point though you need to layer and that's when you start to look like the Michelin Man. Little kids especially end up almost ball shaped at the end and can barely move there arms or legs. In fact sometimes for fun I push my 6-yr old down the hill so I can watch him roll.

2) Wind Chill - I can't count the number of times I have read the forecast and thought, "Minus 15...that's not too bad" Only to step outside and feel the sting of a 60 kmh wind in my face almost instantly freezing my face in an expression of 'Oh my God'. You see the faster the wind speed the quicker we lose body heat so waaaaaay back in 1991 when it was -36 and the wind was over 60 kmh that combined to make it feel like the equivalent of -64! I think my eyeballs actually started to freeze...and that wasn't the only pair of frozen balls either.

1) Snowploughs - I realize that without them the city would shut down so I guess we should be thankful. The problem is the drivers are a bunch of a**holes! Seriously, I used to live on a busy street and every time the snow fell they would clear the streets...leaving a 4 ft mountain of snow blocking my driveway. Nothing generates anger like the sight of a snow plough coming at you. I also had them take out my Christmas lights once too...Yah I guess you couldn't see them 2 ft off the ground and lit up and flashing! Idiots!

So there's my annual winter rant. I'd like to send out a special thanks to Mike M for his assistance in writing this. Mike, you rule! May you all have clear streets, a warm home and less than 7 layers of clothing. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go find my dog...I think he is now a 'pupsicle'

Until next time remember, no Payne, no gain!