Could You BE More Annoying?!

Have you ever watched TV and thought that you would love to strangle a particular celebrity, News Anchor or talk show host? It happens to me all the time so I decided to blog about it.

Initially I was going to make it a top 5 list, then it mushroomed to a top 10 and ultimately I ended up with a huge list and had difficulty ranking it so now it's just going to be random (much like my usual thought processes) and selective. If I did the whole list, it would take up more space than Kirstie Alley.

Recently fired CBC broadcaster Brian Williams is right up there with his annoying style and the way he speaks out the side of his mouth. Have you ever noticed when he talks on set he always leans on 1 elbow with the other arm stretched out? I want to push him off his chair and slap his mouth back straight.

Another sports guy that annoys me is Mike Toth from Sportsnet. He is the biggest geek in sports and I can't believe this guy used to be a decent enough goalie to warrant a tryout with the Medicine Hat Tigers. Maybe the real reason he didn't make it was because he was too annoying. He makes the stupidest jokes and has the greasiness of a used car salesman. This one goes deeper though. When he was with TSN in the mid 90's he once interviewed me in between plays at a Bombers Game. When he discovered I wasn't one of the group he was trying to interview he insulted me. He held it together for the interview and patted me on the back with the big fake smile at the end; "Back to you guys..." but as soon as we were clear he threw his mic and stomped off cursing. I wish I would have picked up the mic and returned it to him painfully.

I am not exclusively annoyed by sports guys either. Have you ever seen that show on CNBC I think called "Mad Money" - with Jim Cramer? I know business and finance are not exactly exciting subjects but trying this hard to make it interesting is ridiculous! The show is so contrived and over the top. The guy has more sound effects than an FM morning show and his stupid 'Booyah!' battle cry is an eye-roller. This guy needs deodorant, prozac and a straight jacket. A muzzle might not be a bad idea either.

This next guy thankfully has retired from the airwaves after around a decade of pompous condescension and blatant know-it-allism (I think I invented a word). 2005 marked the end for everyone's most hated neighbour, and Canadian version of Ned Flanders, that's right...THE CANADIAN TIRE GUY. Him and his snotty wife had every gadget you could dream of, and always seemed to pull it out right when someone had a problem. Thankfully they have been canned and we don't have to watch them anymore, although I did always want that fancy solar panel battery charger thingy. (Remember, I'm not a tool guy)

Some of us need to lose weight, (I have dropped from 235 to 204 over the last few months, so now my front bum is gone) and will do anything to shed the pounds. Diets, weight loss pills, going to the gym etc. One of the more popular ideas is to have some exercise equipment at home, many of which are showcased during infomercials scattered across the airwaves. The most popular seems to be BOWFLEX tm which I am sure is a fine machine. I don't even mind most of their ads. Nothing wrong with a hot girl with a nice frame sweating while barely dressed on your TV screen, and for the ladies there are the shirtless guys. One series of ads inspires me to destroy my TV though. You know which one I'm talking about, the 50 yr old BOWFLEX grandmother who has a face like a leather handbag. In her latest commercial she has a big fake smile on her surgically altered face as she exclaims with glee; "I'm actually 51!" AAAAAAARGH! So if I use BOWFLEX does that mean that I too will not only have a chiselled frame but a nasty face? I'd rather be fat and handsome. I wonder if she will be doing these commercials at 71 and scaring children with the mask that passes for her face.

There are so many others I can't stand and I wonder how many have also made your lists;

Paris Hilton - Fur-wearing, quasi-animal activist, rich, amateur porn starring socailite and free stuff moocher who once urged people to vote while not actually registered to vote herself.

Star Jones - Wig wearing, pompous media whore who had product placement sponsorships at her wedding. I hope Rosie O'Donnell beats the crap out of her on the first day that she joins "The View"

Travelocity's 'Roaming Gnome' - I am confident that Travelocity is a decent service but the Gnome needs to be buried out in the garden. It's at the point now where I actually get jumpy around gnomes expecting them to start offering unsolicited advice to me which would be yet another sign of mental illness.

Two other mascot/spokespeople that drive me nuts are the guy from the Slim Jim's commercials and of course that big-shoed walking fashion crime, Ronald McDonald...That guy is creepy in a Pee Wee Herman in a darkened theatre kind of way.

Hollywood has many, like Julia Roberts (Her mouth is large enough to use as a garage), Wynona Ryder (check her coat when she leaves the store) and Tom "My 15 minutes of fame was over 10 years ago but I can't let go" Green, What was Drew Barrymore thinking anyway?

Don't even get me started on the Baldwin's or Arquette's. In any case I better quit before I start naming politicians or I'll be here until Jack Layton becomes Prime Minister... Ha ha ha I'm only kidding no one would be stupid enough to vote NDP (except maybe Manitoba). Until next time remember, no Payne no gain.