Hell's Kitchen's Gordon Ramsay

As a man it is our job to know stuff about cars and tools. It's the guy code. Unfortunately, I never got the memo, so I will never be able to fix my car if it needs work. I also don't know how to operate a router, a miter (mitre?) or do any sand-blasting. If you need kitchen cabinets made or someone to help you put up drywall, I'm sorry but I can't help you there either. I am ashamed to say it but my wife knows more about that kind of stuff than me.

Obviously then I have no interest in shows about racing, or fixing cars or home renovations, (though I'm told Holmes on Homes is quite good). I don't even watch NASCAR. in fact Speedvision and HGTV are channels I try not to watch unless I can't find the remote, after all, the TV is waaaay over there.

One channel I do love however is the Food Network. As some of you may know I am a picky eater so why would I like shows that showcase stuff I wouldn't eat on a bet? The short answer is; "I dunno..." I do enjoy cooking and find these shows very, shall we say, appetizing? It's not just that channel, but any channel that has cooking shows. If it needs to be basted, broiled or baked I wanna watch it.

There are lots of good shows, Chef at Large, License to grill and one of the best, Iron Chef! (the translations are so funny and I love the Chairman) Lots of personalities are responsible for the success of these shows, like Christine Cushing, Nigella Lawson and Jamie Oliver but the best, most fierce and entertaining chef of them all is angry Brit, Gordon Ramsay.

Last year I was channel surfing when I caught Ramsay in the middle of a profanity-laced-tirade at a contestant and dropping F-bombs like Courtney Love. I was hooked. The show was called "Hell's Kitchen" and featured contestants facing off in various challenges as well as nightly service in a fairly upscale restaurant with dual kitchens. What set this show apart from other reality shows was the fact that Ramsay had a short temper and didn't care who heard what he had to say. Imagine Jeff Probst from Survivor saying, "Shut your f***ing face and do the challenge you p***y!" to one of the contestants. It would never happen. Or Meredith Vierra on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire telling someone to "Hurry up and answer the d*** question" and you will have some idea about Ramsay.

This guy knows how to cook, he knows how to run a restaurant, and he knows when someone is being lazy. He also has no sympathy or patience. He says out loud what most of us scream at the TV or wish we had the parts to say when we are in those uncomfortable situations. His glare is worse than Charles Manson's and he looks like he could get all Chuck Norris on you if you pushed him too far. All he is missing is the eye twitch and he could pass for a younger British version of Clint Eastwood.

Every week someone is swearing at him, or crying, or quitting and just when you think no one will ever satisfy him, he relents and actually tells them what a good f***ing job they're doing. The winner of last years show didn't even take the grand prize as Ramsay, who is actually a pretty nice and funny guy, when you don't annoy him, offered the guy an even sweeter prize, The chance to work for Ramsay for a year at one of his restaurants in the UK.

Just when it seemed the guy couldn't get anymore exposure he ends up with another successful show on Food Network; Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, where he spends a week helping out a failing restaurant. I have only seen one episode, but the guy is awesome. Was he gruff and constantly swearing? Yes, but he also genuinely cared about the restaurant and the owner and offered encouragement along with the harsh words. He gave advice, made suggestions and spoke frankly about how to be successful in the restaurant business. "...Because the way you're going now just won't f***ing cut it."

Not only did the restaurant turn things around but it is thriving as we see when Ramsay returns two months later to check up on them. The show is great because we see a lot more of his funny side. The guy is hilarious and obviously from the reaction of the people he is helping, is genuinely adored by them for his expert guidance.

So next time you are depressed because you don't know why your car is making that funny sound, or you can't figure out how to locate a stud to attach your new Ikea shelf too, Stop. Put the tools down and ignore the problem, (that's what I do with strange noises from my vehicle) it will fix itself I'm sure. Instead, grab a cold drink and flip through the channels and see if you can find one of Ramsay's shows. It'll be a Hell of a good time.

Until next time remember, no Payne no gain!