The Evolution of the Barbecue

The weather is excellent and every weekend we creep closer and closer to summer holidays. What a fine time to talk about the all important rite of passage for any man, Barbequing!

When I was a kid no one had propane. My Dad and everyone else used the trusty old Hibachi. When I look at a Hibachi now I am amazed that anything could get cooked on such a small surface. It may seem inconvenient now but as a kid part of the fun/torment was waiting for the coals to get hot. Dad would set up the coals, strategically placing the firestarter cubes, (which I used to swipe and use to set my model cars on fire, I was a twisted child) then light them all and wait for the coals to turn grey. Of course there was no controlling the temperature so Dad had to place the little racks on various levels to get the right temperature and occassionally the rack would slip and your hot dog would land on the ground or in the coals. "Oh stop whining son, a little ash never hurt anyone." My Dad would say while I muttered under my breath about Pompeii and Mt Vesuvius. I must admit though that to this day nothing tastes better than food cooked over real coals.

Later we got the big barbecue with the lid and the battery powered rotisserie. Fancy Schmancy! I don't remember the rotisserie ever working right but then my memory sucks. I do remember that it had a lot more room but it was also easy to tip over, and generally trying to pick up the hot coals so you don't set the grass on fire...doesn't work well at all. At least with my fingerprints burned off the police can't catch me!

After I grew up and moved out on my own I finally had a propane BBQ! That puppy was sweet! I must admit though it wasn't without problems. Sure it was nice to have all that space and to be able to get the grill going so quickly but nothing is as frustrating as running out of propane. I have run out so many times in the middle of cooking supper it has become something of a habit. Yah yah I know you can buy attachments and guages and stuff but that just wouldn't be my style to spend extra money for no reason. I once ran out of propane during a party where I invited 15 people to my house and it was too late to refill the tank. "Hey guys you wanna order pizza?" as I was pelted with empty beer cans and half cooked steaks.

Not enough propane could be rough but not as bad as too much propane. I am sure everyone has had trouble lighting their barbecues since those little igniter buttons work about as well as Korean built cars. So like everyone else I used matches, unfortunately one time it was windy and I had a little trouble keeping the match lit. I may also have been a little distracted as I was talking on the phone. I decided, while talking, that maybe I should lift the lid so that it could block the wind...

BOOM!

I had been squatting down to reach the hole when I lifted the lid and didn't realize the propane had been on high for 20 seconds. After picking up the phone and explaining that I had to go I searched for my eyebrows/eyelashes and sent out an APB for my missing bangs all the while thanking my lucky stars that I had most of my face left. I didn't need a hospital visit but I had some pretty embarrassing moments explaining my appearance for a couple of days. To make matters worse, the hot dogs I planned on eating were already in the guts of my sneaky room mate and I ended up making Cup-a-soup.

All in all though I am mostly proud of my culinary creations using the trusty old grill. I have made steaks/chicken/burgers etc. but I have also made some wild stuff like corn on the cob, stir fry and even baked stuff using the barbecue. In fact even if a guy can't make toast on his own he should be able to barbecue. It's the guy code. It's in our DNA to hunt and forage and of course char mammal flesh over an open flame. Even cavemen cooked meat over a fire and here's the best part; (Make sure no women are looking)...If you burn it, just say it's 'Cajun Blackened'...it works everytime and they will think you are a gourmet! Ha ha.

I hope I have inspired you now and that you are ready to spark up that grill and baste, sear and shish-ke-bab your way to a fantastic summer. Oh and if you manage to come across my eyebrows I'd appreciate a call. Until next time remember, no Payne no gain!