World Cup Primer for Dummies (Like me)

What? You have no clue about the World Cup of Soccer? The largest sporting event in the world? It's ok I don't know much either but I can sum it up for all you newbies out there that want to know more, but not too much more. So here is my extremely uncomplicated World Cup Primer for Dummies; (like me)

WHAT IS IT? - A Soccer competition viewed by billions of people around the globe. It involves the national teams of the 32 highest ranked countries in the world who qualify out of 6 zones that span the Earth. It happens once every 4 years with this one happening in Germany.

Canada made it to the World Cup in 1986 but that was the only time. We are not in this World Cup. We're more of a Hockey/Curling hotbed.

WHO WILL WIN? - There are a few countries you may not be familiar with like; Ivory Coast, Ghana, Togo or Angola but they apparently are better than Canada so no laughing at them. The Powerhouse in Soccer is Brazil with 5 titles, which is the most by any country. They are favoured to win an unprecedented 6th Cup at 5/2 odds. The other notables (and their odds of winning) are England (8/1), Germany (8/1), 2nd ranked Czech Republic (32/1), 3rd ranked Holland (14/1) or 4th ranked Mexico (37/1). The USA is ranked 5th in the World by FIFA (Soccer's international governing body) and has 40 - 1 odds.

HOW DOES THE COMPETITION WORK? - It starts tomorrow and runs until July 9th with 64 games in 30 days. The teams are divided into 8 groups of 4 and play 1 game against all 3 other teams in their group. The top two teams advance, with the winner of each group facing a second place team from another group. Then quarter-finals and semi-finals before the big game on July 9th.

WHO SHOULD I CHEER FOR SINCE CANADA SUCKS AND DIDN'T MAKE IT? - Excellent question! I believe the law requires you to cheer for a country that your family originated from. So I should be cheering for Holland or England. Ask your Mom and Dad where your family originated and cheer for that team. It doesn't matter if you know any of the players since you are only on the bandwagon until the World Cup is over. Another way to decide is to pick one of the favoured teams and that way you know you get to cheer for longer. In fact cheering for Brazil will probably gain you bragging rights when they win. The final strategy is to cheer for anyone but the USA, c'mon they already own football and basketball and track and field and golf and sometimes baseball so they don't need soccer.

Soccer fans are the craziest psycho's in history but very entertaining. Buy some merchandise, cheer loudly and sing the Ole ole ole song until your lungs bleed. After all it only happens once every 4 years.

So there it is all you really need to know to enjoy the World Cup. By the way just so you don't look stupid don't say to anyone 'The World Cup OF SOCCER' since it is the World Cup and real fans already know. Just call it the World Cup and you'll be fine. Maybe in 4 years Canada can jump up 51 spots and get into the top 32 (we're #83 right now) until then jump on someone else's bandwagon like Trinidad and Tobego maybe, or Tunisia and enjoy the fun.

Until next time remember, no Payne no gooooooooooooooooooooooal!