Payneful Top 10 - The World According to My Dog

As the owner of a new dog I spend a lot of time observing him and his actions. I think you can learn a lot from a dog, especially one as odd as mine. So without further adieu here are 10 rules that my dog lives by in this week's edition of the Payneful Top 10;

10) I think you are the greatest, I don't care what you did or if everyone is mad at you I will always think you are the best.

9) Cats are my sworn enemy, why? Why not?

8) If it fits in my mouth it is food, if it comes back out it is simply reheated food, which I will eat again.

7) I will do anything you want if there is a treat in it for me, as long as you explain it well enough.

6) Wherever I lay down is my bed and that includes your bed and if you don't like it go somewhere else.

5) I don't understand when you lecture me, it all sounds like blah blah blah. The only words I understand are ones that remind me to do tricks so that I can get treats.

4) If you say anything to me in an excited voice I will be excited too. For all I know you could be saying, "OK Tito it's time to get neutered! Yes it is! Do you want to get Neutered boy?! I bet you do!" and I will go crazy and jump around and maybe bark because your tone tells me it's good.

3) My tail is an idiot and follows me everywhere so sometimes I snap and chase him away, I just wish I knew how he keeps finding me.

2) If I keep digging I'll find it, even though I might not know what it is.

1) Anywhere I can reach with my tongue is perfectly acceptable to lick, and that includes my crotch and yours.

Obedience training begins this weekend...God help us all.