Payneful Top 10 - What I Would Do If I Won the Lottery

Ok so I know that you all have thought this over a million times but I thought I would share with you, my thoughts on what I would do with the winnings. I assume that it is a jackpot around say 5 million or so. Now I am not gonna get all sappy and talk about the usual stuff, I'm only interested in the ridiculous so here goes.

10) - I used to joke around with a friend that we would hand out money to get people to ridiculous things. Have two best friends fight. Make two strangers make out. Pay someone a 1000 bucks to run naked across the street etc. Tell the truth if someone offered you 1000 bucks wouldn't you do something dumb?

9) - I would sponsor a kids hockey team. Like little kids. maybe 8 yr olds and I would get them a team bus, pimped out uniforms and equipment guys and build them a rink. It'd be sick, they'd be like little NHL'ers and I would work hard to ensure they turned into pampered primadonnas.

8) - I would buy a bunch of small businesses and rename them all. Hot dog stands, pizza joints, convenience stores, maybe adult video stores and put my name on all of them so I could drive by and point and say, "I own that, and that, aaaaand that too."

7) - I'd offer people advertising money to wear my name or even have it tattooed on them. Soon my name would be more common than Hilfiger.

6) - Have you ever been really annoyed with something you've read and fired off a letter to the editor only to be disappointed when your letter doesn't show? Then how about publishing your own paper? My paper would be devoted to national and local stories, MY editorial comment and zero business or financial news. The sports of course would feature Hockey, Football and UFC and zero baseball, basketball and NASCAR.

5) - I'd get my own show, maybe 2. Yeah 2! One on TV and one on radio. I have no idea what it would be but I'd have one. I would make sure to schedule it opposite something on CBC so that I would get decent ratings.

4) - Green Day would play at my house, every week, all year. It would be like a long running vegas act, only not in Vegas, and I'd get to join them on stage.

3) - It is important to be environmentally friendly but you have to look cool so I would drive the worlds first, pimped out Hummer (with my name on it) that ran off of electricity, or solar power or hydrogen or I dunno...dog pee, I don't care I just wanna make a statement.

2) - You have to live somewhere so I would have a custom built house shaped like a gigantic birthday cake. Why? Why not?

1) - You know you are a big shot when the paparazzi follow you so I would create a posse of 20 - 30 people with cameras and video cameras and microphones and lights and all that and have them follow me around everywhere I went.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go check my tickets to begin building my odd empire.

Until next time remember, no Payne no gain!