OK ok it wasn't quite Rangers in 7

I admit I was grossly mistaken when I picked the Rangers in 7. The Devils are the hottest team in the league right now rattling off 15 victories in a row and completing the sweep of the Blueshirts. This series was over at the initial puck drop and I couldn't have been more wrong. I am gonna say this is all because of Jagr's injury even though they sucked with him in the line up.

Edmonton got another victory over the Wings today giving them a chance for the upset at home in Edmonton for game 6. I don't mind being wrong with that one.

The Anaheim - Calgary series remains the tightest out there in my view with gritty fast paced action in every game. I still think it's going 7

One of the few series I am right about appears to be Ottawa Tampa Bay. When they eliminate the bolts today I will be correct in predicting the Sens in 5. Just a side note....why would anyone want to fight with Chara? Lecavlier is crazy.

Good to hear that Koivu is out of hospital. He still has a long way to go and without him the Habs are done. Unfortunately I think I am right predicting the Canes in 6, take that Maggie.

Dallas is finished out west, Turco is the Patrick Lalime of the Western Conference and I imagine changes will be made in the off season (Which starts late Sunday Afternoon). Sakic has been great and the usual suspects have chipped in to set the table for a decent playoff run.

Another series that should be over Sunday is the Nashville San Jose series. The dynamic duo might have been slowed but Patrick Marleau sure hasn't. Poor Kariya, denied again.

Finally Ken Hitchcock is helping me out by getting the Flyers to win a few games giving me the illusion that my predictions were better than a coin flip.

Speaking of coin flips, just for fun I used the coin flip method and here is what my 1995 25 cent piece predicted for first round winners;

East

• Tampa Bay
• Carolina
• New York Rangers
• Buffalo

West

• Detroit
• Colorado
• Calgary
• San Jose

Oh God please let me beat the quarter. Later Payneville.

NFL Draft - Quick hit - Can't stand the hype

I love watching football, CFL or NFL, but I often get a little tired of the hype. These players are so coddled and spoiled by the time this draft starts it drives me crazy. Whatever happened to humility? I guess that's why I think Hockey players are the best athletes on the planet. Did you see the intro to the show? Ridiculous. Could you stroke the swollen egos of these primadonnas anymore?

40 minutes in and they are on pick number 10. Now that isn't a bad pace, 1 every 4 minutes, but the crap in between makes my brain hurt. Highlighting the strengths and weaknesses of these players is expected but all the crap about Reggie Bush, and Young's test scores I couldn't care less about. I'd much rather see the picks after and not put up with the ubiquitous 'analysis' that goes on ad nauseum.

I think the NFL has more than it's share of draft busts. I believe the NFL actually leads the pro leagues in draft busts. Michael Westbrook, Lawrence Philips, Tony Mandarich, or my all time Favourite Ryan Leaf. With all that in mind it still amazes me why people actually care about the draft. Sure there is legitimate excitement for players like Reggie Bush and Matt Lienart but there is no suspense whatsoever. For every Peyton Manning there is a Tim Couch or two and it has to be the longest, most boring show since 'The Bachelor reunion special.'

I'll take the NHL draft anyday, now there is some excitement. Well I managed to write long enough for the league to make two more picks and get down to #13....yawn. Time to go watch some NHL playoff hockey and maybe by the time the Tampa Bay Lightning get eliminated by the Ottawa Senators, the NFL will be on pick #18. Until next time remember, no Payne no gain!

Why am I soooooo picky?

I wish I liked more foods. I really do. Unfortunately my whole life I have been a picky eater. I don't know why but I have. I have a friend that will eat anything. That is so cool. My friend can go anywhere and do anything and never worry about hating the food. I am not so lucky.

I remember as a kid I didn't like anything except bread and hot dogs. I didn't even like Pizza! at Thanksgiving my poor Mom had to make hot dogs because I wouldn't eat Turkey. I remember one time my Mother gave me peas with my supper and I wouldn't eat them, so she put me out on the porch (we lived beside a big dark scary forest) and told me I couldn't come in until I ate my peas...I was on the porch for 4 hours before my Mom put me to bed. Payne 1 - Peas - 0!

There are certain things I don't like that I can eat, like ; peppers, brussel sprouts and cauliflower. Unfortunately there are a lot of things I can't eat. Even one taste and I want to vomit. Some of the main culprits are; Mayonnaise, eggs, mushrooms (they're grown in poo) and various types of seafood like oysters, scallops and even salmon. It's ridiculous. I can't stand it but I can't help it either. I often joke with people that if I were on 'Fear Factor' all Joe Rogan would nead to do to make me quit is serve me a mushroom omelette with a hot coffee on the side and I would run screaming, (I don't like coffee either).

Some things make absolutely no sense. I love tomato sauce on my pasta or pizza but I hate tomato juice, tomato soup and tomatoes on my salads or burgers. You know what is even worse than tomato juice? clamato juice. Who the hell thought that one up? "Man I am thirsty, and I don't want water or milk what else do I have...oh here is some tomato juice. What would spice this up? I know! Why don't I squeeze this clam into it?!" Gross! Seafood & veggies together, what other combos could ever compete?

I love onions on my hot dogs but hate them in my salad. I like lettuce in my caesar wrap but not on my burgers. I love chicken like I like breathing but I am not a big fan of a roasted chicken. It makes no sense.

I have made strides though. in the last 15 years I have grown to like salads and Chinese food, and Stir fry (as long as there's no gross stuff in it). I used to hate most desserts and now I can't think of anything better than some warm apple pie. I enjoy rice and I eat pork occassionally. I drink Green tea with no sugar or milk and nothing tastes better in a stir fry then broccoli so maybe there is hope for me yet. I even eat cream cheese now.

I really enjoy visiting other countries and experiencing different cultures but if I stayed too long I would starve. I am so picky. I wish I could eat other stuff but after 35 years....it ain't gonna happen. Maybe if I live to be reeeeeeeeally old, like my parents, (I'm kidding) I will like old people food like liver and onions or my Mom's personal favourite, pickled herring! Yeeeuck!

Now to make matters worse my kids are becoming picky eaters. I think it is payback for my poor parents. I know they are having a good laugh. I have one kid that hates meat, (unless it's hamburgers) one kid that won't drink anything ever! and I have one kid that sometimes likes things and sometimes doesn't. "I don't like bacon today Dad" I suppsoe I deserve it though.

Anyway I would write more but I am hungry and the only thing in my fridge is mushrooms and eggs. I guess I'll order Pizza or something. Until next time remember, no Payne no gain!

Blogger Buffet….a little bit of everything.

It was nice to see the amount of interest yesterday’s blog generated. I got 5 comments! That’s a record for no payne no gain (NPNG)! I have spoken with others that read it and didn’t comment and there are lots of arguments for both sides. Nothing like a lively debate!

I thought today I would clear out a few things in one big buffet ‘o’ blogs. I will be offering Deep fried American Idol, battered UFC, succulent Softwood Lumber as well as a fresh baked NHL. Grab your plate and dig in.

AMERICAN IDOL – Kellie Pickler was finally relieved of her microphone last night which I think is probably a relief to her. She was clearly out-classed by the others for the last couple of weeks and I thought she looked like she was ready to cry after Tuesday’s show.

The top five are set with Elliott, Katharine, Paris, Chris and Taylor making for a diverse set of styles. I am a little tired of Katharine and have disliked Paris since the beginning with that annoying, fingernails on a chalkboard, voice of hers. I hope Paris is gone next week. The top two I think will be Chris and Elliott but who knows.

UFC – According to a “Slam Sports” article posted on the UFC website, Injuries are causing problems for the MMA juggernaut with Title holders Franklin and Liddell both recovering from surgery as well as other fighters. Ortiz’s knee is bad enough that it will require surgery meaning that the much anticipated ‘grudge match’ between Ortiz and Shamrock is indefinitely postponed.

It’s not all bad news though. Griffin fought so well that he will get to fight Shamrock, and some say that Griffin is on the fast track for a title shot in the Light heavy division. Is he ready for Liddell? I don’t know, but the kid loves to fight, and I love to watch him. I do wonder if a Griffin – Bonnar rematch wouldn’t be more exciting for the fans though.

The UFC 60 card is filling out nicely with bouts by Diego Sanchez and Frank Trigg added recently. I can’t wait to see Hughes – Gracie. I don’t think Gracie will win but wouldn’t that be something if he did?

SOFTWOOD LUMBER – It appears Canada and the USA are close to a deal over the contentious softwood lumber issue. From what I’ve read it doesn’t appear to be a very good deal for the Canucks. Essentially it is a return of approx 78% of the duties the USA collected. So even though every legal decision favoured Canada, the US gets to keep 22% which by the way is well over 100 Million Dollars. That’s like Dr Evil ransom money. The agreement also allows Canada access to 34% of the US market which maybe my friend Side Show can explain to me since I thought ‘free trade’ meant access to all markets not just a percentage. Quebec and Ontario are also unhappy since they will get a smaller piece of the pie while BC gets a slightly larger piece comparatively speaking. Bottom line is I think Canada should keep fighting this since the WTO and NAFTA panels seem to think we are in the right.

NHL PLAYOFFS – Injuries and upsets are the hot button issues today. Montreal lost more than a game last night with the freakish injury to Saku Koivu. Even with the visor he managed to take a stick in the eye and if you saw the blood you knew it was bad. He is staying overnight in hospital awaiting a visit by an Eye specialist. There is confirmation that his eye was injured. Lets hope it works out for him.

Jagr returned after injuring his shoul- I mean “upper body” and was clearly ineffective as the Rangers (who I predicted would win in 7) are about to lose in 4. Brodeur is a machine.

Bad news in Motown too as Stevie Y apparently has a back injury that may force him out. This could be the end for Yzerman if the Wings can’t solve Roloson and his shot-blocking minions. That being said Yzerman has played through some serious injuries before. Remember him winning the cup in 2002 on one leg?

All I know is that I can’t wait for game 4 in the Calgary Anaheim series. That one seems to be going the way I predicted although it looks like my record will be pretty bad after the first round. I just hope I beat the Monkey! Did that sound as bad as I thought it did?
That’s all for today, I hope you enjoyed the buffet and feel free to go back for another steaming hot plate of opinion here at NPNG. So until next time remember no Payne, no gain.

Afghanistan - Flag Flap and Media Ban

Wow is this ever controversial. I think the thing that annoys me most is the fact that it seems like the media and the politicians all seem to be ranting and raving when the real issue is the fallen soldiers.

I think there are very good arguments in support of, and against both issues. I however don't like to sit on the fence so here is what I think.

For years and years before Chretien changed things in 2002 we only lowered the National Flag for very particular reasons. The death of a soldier was not one of those reasons. In an effort to be fair and not constantly bring down the morale of the country we only lowered it on Remembrance day, thus creating a standard. I think our Soldiers, Sailors and Airman that died fighting for our country did so to ensure the flag remained flying. What the current government has done was merely returned to the previous standard. Though admittedly they have handled it rather clumsily I still agree with the policy.

As for the new media ban again it could have been handled much better, but I think it is the right decision. I understand the rights of the public and the media and I also understand the desires of the military and the government. It is not an easy choice but if I am grieving the loss of a loved one I don't want the whole world watching. Some argue that the public wants to grieve also but I ask, when is it enough? How much coverage do we need? The public was informed of the deaths quickly. The explanations followed quickly from the appropriate sources, and the country saw the caskets being loaded into the aircraft for the trip home. What more does the public need? The families, if willing, gave interviews and the 'experts' weighed in, so again I say when is it enough?

Do we need to follow the funeral procession to the airport where the casket is loaded on another flight? Do we need to see the trip to the funeral home? the funeral itself? How about the graveside ceremony? When is it enough?

I don't think the public is served by constant reminders of this tragedy. All it does is push those people that are on the fence and uninformed of the importance of the mission into the knee jerk reaction that we should pull out. As I have ranted about on numerous occasions, that is not the answer and the Canadian Forces personnel that are there believe in what they are doing. I am sure that those who fell would have wanted the country to get on with it and to stop moping. The soldiers that are still there are already back at it, doing their part to ensure the security of our country. Maybe we should follow their lead.

As always if you have a differing opinion feel free to comment and I will post it.

NHL - Marc Crawford Sacrificed

I know how Dave Nonis feels, I really do. You know how everybody has a junk drawer? Mine is in the kitchen. A while ago I pulled it and it wouldn't open because there was so much crap in there that it jammed. I pulled and pulled until I accidentally pulled the drawer all the way out and all the junk ended up on the floor. What a mess! It looked a lot like the Canucks season. There was some stuff I liked, some stuff I didn't like and a lot of stuff that I don't know how it got there.

Well Dave Nonis took the first step in putting the stuff back in the drawer today by firing longtime coach, and bad hair guy Marc Crawford. Crawford had a year left on the deal and anyone with foresight knew when the Canucks missed the playoffs 'Crow' would never see the last year of his deal.

Was this a good move? Yes insofar that he was part of the problem. He certainly wasn't the whole problem and Nonis better make more changes if he wants to stay 'in the drawer' so to speak. The good thing about the situation is that Nonis can now put his own stamp on this team. He can hire a coach that he wants and swap in or swap out players as he sees fit. Firing Crawford should just be the first step.

So what next? It's no secret that Bertuzzi had a miserable year, and moving him gets him away from all that. Going somewhere discreet like Atlanta or Carolina or some other Eastern team where hockey is down in the pecking order behind a couple of other sports rather than the microscope that is Vancouver would be ideal. This also frees up a big chunk of salary that can go to the Sedins or Carter which should be a priority for Nonis.

Does he keep Morrison? Does he keep Naslund? There I said it out loud but you were thinking it. He looked tired down the stretch and has hinted that maybe the 'C' should go to someone else. Maybe Naslund and his large salary should go somewhere else, who knows. Clearly the 'top line' wasn't the top line this year. That belonged to the triplets and obivously they need to be signed.

What about Jovo? He might be the #2 D-man for the Canucks but look at how bad they were without him. His emotion alone can win games. I say sign him and give him the 'C'.

Auld seemed just as capable as Cloutier and had much more upside. Taller, Less injury prone, cheaper! So why keep Cloutier? I say have a yard sale and get rid of him for sure.

Linden has an option for another year at 1.5 million...no way the Canucks pick up that. Linden won't play anywhere else so the Canucks can sign him for less or give him the retired jersey treatment.

There are others as well, Ruutu, Carney, and Weinrich will undoubtedly leave. Who knows what other changes need to be made? Now obviously Nonis is not going to get rid of everybody, but he needs to make some serious changes. He needs to bring in players that will buy in to the program, and get rid of players that don't. It will definitely be a busy off-season for him that's for sure.

There are bright spots in the future though. Tough and smooth Luc Bourdon should be a lock next year, and Kevin Bieksa along with Alexandre Burrows should stay with the big club next year and at least play with some passion. Maybe we will see Jason King back after a year off with a concussion.

Nonis had a horrendous first year but did make some decent moves. He chose to keep the core intact which is what everyone thought was best back in training camp. The fact that this plan failed so badly gives him carte blanche to make changes now. So let's hope that he is able to keep things neat and tidy so he doesn't make the same big mess next year.

NHL Playoffs - My predictions sucked!

I remember a few years ago I had processed some older negatives of mine and found a great picture of me with my daughter on Christmas morning. I thought it looked cute and showed it to my co workers, then I showed my friends and finally I showed my parents. My Mom remarked; "Is that your Penis?" ...it was. I was flabberghasted! I had shown the picture to over 20 people and when I looked at the picture I realized that my robe was open and I was indeed displaying the old "meat and 2 veg" as Austin Powers would say. I have never been so embarrassed in my life... That is until I saw the results of last night's games.

Buffalo vs Philadelphia - Philadelphia, who I picked to win in 6, must have been as embarrassed as I was as they stunk up the joint with an 8-2 pounding that guarantees Esche will be riding the pine from here on out. Were the Flyers suddenly all afraid of getting laid out like Umberger got?That team just can't get going and the Sabres, with a double hat-trick last night, are scoring at will. Yikes.

New Jersey vs New York Rangers - Again I picked the Rangers in 7, but it looks like it will be the Devils in 4 now that Jagr is out. Brodeur is unbeatable and Madden got a hat - trick last night. (was there a sale on hat-tricks last night or what?)

Dallas vs Colorado - I said Dallas in 6 and I thought that Turco would pick it up for the playoffs....Well he may have but then he dropped it awful quick, His performance was awful when it ocunted and now they are down 2 going to the mile high city.

Finally Carolina vs Montreal - I picked Carolina in 6 but I admit I am glad I am being made a Liar in this one. Huet is on fire and Kovalev is actually interested, and playing well. Cam Ward looked much better in net than Gerber and I think we will see him for the rest of the series.

So to recap. Remember these 2 vital pieces of advice;

1. You never know who will win regardless of how it looks on paper, since the games aren't played on paper. Goalies can ruin it for you in a hurry.
2. And never let people see pictures of you accidentally naked. Remember how it went for Elaine on that Seinfeld Christmas Card episode?

Until next time remember....too much Payne isn't good either ha ha ha!

Why do I Blog?

I love blogging. I really do. I started about 6 weeks ago after seeing a friend's blog and haven't looked back.

Anyone who knows me knows that I talk a lot and that I have some pretty strong opinions of things. Unfortunately I also have the attention span of a gnat; hence the subjects I write about tend to be all over the map. Some days I have at least 3 or 4 ideas of what I want to blog, and some days, (like today) I have no clue.

Some people have said they really liked my Blogs on Afghanistan, and hockey, and the UFC, while others have said some of my posts were not so great (My Timmy's rant for instance). I value all these opinions as I feel it makes me better as I try to iron out the wrinkles as I go along.

Typically I start off with an idea and try and think about what people like me might think about that topic and I proceed usually ending up saying more than I intended. I don't often edit my stuff beyond a cursory glance for spelling and grammar, as I think as my friend Tanis put it, the "unedited" version of yourself is usually the most entertaining. Besides if someone says something controversial I bet most of the time it was probably the closest to the truth. Think about it. Whenever there is scandal over something someone said, they usually apologize and backtrack and claim they were 'taken out of context' or 'That wasn't what I meant.' C'Mon, how many times have you tried to take back something you said only after you realized it upset someone? I do it on a regular basis.

I get my ideas from all sorts of places. The news is probably the biggest. Sometimes it is a tv show. Other times it is right out of left field. Staring at a Tim Horton's cup that didn't win, or arguing with someone about who won more Stanley Cups (for the record the East has won more). The thing is when I really get stuck I resort to the Yahoo Buzz index or I just ask people what bugs them. It works out some days while others are a struggle.

The bottom line is I love blogging, not in a Brokeback sort of way but you get the picture. I guess that's it for now but if you have an idea for a blog entry and you don't blog yourself, feel free to tell me and I'll rant on your behalf. Until next time remember, no Payne, no gain!

NHL Playoffs - Who Will Write the Next Chapter?

The Stanley Cup. The greatest, most storied trophy in all of sport. As far as I know it is the only trophy that contains the names of every player and coach that battled for it right on the trophy. There are a lot of stories in the 113 years since the Governor General of Canada offered up a silver bowl to the best amateur hockey club in the dominion of Canada. War could not stop it from being presented, nor depression, or even bad weather. In fact in 113 years it only stayed on the shelf twice. Once in 1919 due to a Flu Epidemic, and of course in 2005 due to greed and stupidity.

It started as a ‘challenge trophy which is why in 1896 and again in 1902 it was won twice. It has evolved into a ritual of spring, with 16 teams battling for months for the right to hoist it. In all 113 years only 30 teams have ever sipped champagne from “Hockey’s Holy Grail.”

Below is a list of all winners and the number of times the team has captured the cup;


Montreal Canadiens – 24 times
Toronto Maple Leafs - 11 times
Detroit Red Wings – 10 times
Ottawa Senators – 9 times
Edmonton Oilers - 5 times
Boston Bruins – 5 times
New York Islanders – 4 times
Montreal AAA – 4 times
Montreal Victorias – 4 times
Montreal Wanderers – 4 times
New Jersey Devils – 3 times
New York Rangers - 3 times
Chicago Blackhawks – 3 times
Winnipeg Victorias – 3 times
Colorado Avalanche – 2 times
Pittsburgh Penguins – 2 times
Philadelphia Flyers – 2 times
Montreal Shamrocks – 2 times
Montreal Maroons – 2 times
Quebec Bulldogs – 2 times
Tampa Bay Lightning – 1 time
Dallas Stars – 1 time
Calgary Flames – 1 time
*Vancouver Millionaires - 1 time
Victoria Cougars - 1 time
Toronto Blue Shirts – 1 time
Toronto St Pats – 1 time
Toronto Arenas – 1 time
Seattle Metropolitans – 1 time
Kenora Thistles – 1 time



The Cup obviously enjoys ‘la belle province’ as it has resided there 42 times! Also 14 of the teams that won it no longer exist. Only 16 teams in the NHL today can say that they won Lord Stanley’s Cup, 11 of those having a chance to add more to their totals this year. If Carolina, Buffalo, Anaheim, Nashville or San Jose win, it would be their first ever.

As my Leafs friends like to point out, The Vancouver Canucks are the only Canadian team of the 6 still in the NHL that has not won a Cup (*The city itself did have 1 win in 1915 though!)…of course The Leafs haven’t won since 3 years before the Canucks were born. I do however recall 1 head to head playoff match-up in 1994….how did that turn out I wonder?…

Regardless of who wins one thing is for sure, there are more interesting stories ahead for Lord Stanley’s Cup, and only time will tell who writes them. Until next time remember, no Payne, no gain.

Casualties in Afghanistan

4 more good Canadian boys were lost in Afghanistan as a result of an improvised explosive device (IED). The casualties were;

• Corporal Matthew Dinning, Richmond Hill, Ont.
• Bombardier Miles Mansell, Victoria, BC
• Lieutenant William Turner, Toronto, Ont.
• Corporal Randy Payne, Lahr, Germany

Some people are trying to create controversy by blaming the new 'G-Wagon' for not protecting them well enough. The truth is this explosion was so powerful that no vehicle would have stood a chance. The IED's that are used are not like a landmine, these are usually a huge artillery round, remotely detonated with horrendous results.

As with all tragic losses the public has begun anew the call to pull out or to debate Afghanistan. This is folly. The mission is necessary even if most Canadians have no clue what it is about. I will let you do the research on your own to discover what this mission is really about. For now let's assume I know what I am talking about.

If you ask these soldiers you will be hard pressed to find one that thinks we should pull out. They know the importance of this mission. If you told these people in advance that there death made Canada pull out they would be sickened. If we pull out now what does that say to the families? Oh we didn't realize anyone would die so we will quit now. Then why go in the first place? Secondly what does that tell our allies, our enemies, or the Afghan and Canadian citizens that want peace? Sorry we have been intimidated into going home. If we had that same attitude in WWI, WWII, or Korea then Tyranny would have reigned supreme and Canada would not be the great country it is.

Murray Brewster of the Canadian Press had a great article that sheds more light on this situation, here is one excerpt that I found particularly interesting;

"Saturday's assault comes in the wake of a Taliban warning of accelerated attacks against Canadians. A spokesman for the outlawed fundamentalist former government told The Canadian Press this month that the Taliban was counting on the increased casualties triggering a clamour among voters to withdraw Canadian soldiers. "

This is a tragic loss for everyone, especially the families that are left behind. Take a moment to think about these brave souls and to think about what they were trying to do for your country. Now is not the time to cut and run.

NHL Playoffs, Yikes my predictions are in jeopardy!

Can you believe the spanking Carolina got from Montreal? OUCH! I never saw that coming. Gerber better wake up.

Did you notice Sabres D-man Brian Campbell's hellacious smack of the Flyers RJ Umberger? He knocked the will to live out of that kid. At least this one was close, making it to OT before the Sabres put it away on a nifty goal by Briere.

Jersey made it twelve games in a row with a convincing win over the Rangers. Do you think Jagr is hurt? I doubt it but he is a pansy. Nice hit he threw on the PK there...wait did I type that right? was Jagr on the PK? That's just wierd, What was Renney thinking? Brodeur was superhuman again, Lundqvist looked very much like the rookie he is. I think they'll turn it around though.

Burnaby Joe Sakic showed that the Avs can still play with a beatdown on the Stars. I thought Turco looked ordinary and the rest of the team seemed uninterested. Poor Dallas sure misses the shootout.

So basically to recap, all the teams I picked to win the series that were on today lost. I may be get out-predicted by a primate (Maggie the Macqaque). Hopefully things turn around, although I wouldn't mind being wrong about Montreal as I am compelled to cheer on Canadian teams.

oh one final note. I thought Don Cherry had a much better jacket the first night....those roses were off the hook! Until next time remember, no Payne no gain....

NHL Playoffs - just like Christmas but longer!

The playoffs are underway after a looooooong layoff! I am giddy. I haven't been this excited since I got a Sega Genesis (think XBox but crappier and older) for Christmas. The best part is that unlike Christmas the playoffs don't end until at least June! I've had relationships that didn't last that long.

While I am disappointed that my Vancouver Cannots didn't make it to the dance I am a fan of great hockey and still enjoy the pace of a well fought playoff game. What a great start to the playoffs too. 2 overtime games and one even went to double OT.

A little surprised that San Jose was so flat. Kariya was in fine form getting assists on all the Nashville goals, I still think once Thornton and Cheechoo get rolling the series will end.

Ottawa as expected played great and not a bad debut for young Emery. the defending champs have the desire but lack the talent and execution.

Edmonton, or more specifically, Roloson played brilliantly and geave Detroit a run for their money until Maltby saved the day for the Wings. Legace doesn't get enough credit but I think this will be the year people outside the Red Wings dressing room realize his worth.

Calgary and Anaheim was my favourite of the night playing hard nosed bang and crash hockey. They even had a fight! I have to give respect to the born-again Finnish Flash, he is grittier than ever and really has regained his speed. Iggy was his usual powerful presence and the 'Bankrupt Banger' showed he still knows where to be with his game ending one timer. Bryzgalov had no chance. This series makes my mouth water.

I Still wish Vancouver had Burke. He is my hero. Well him or Ryan Seacrest. Is there an easier job than insulting Simon and introducing mediocre singers?

Tonight will be the opening night for the other 4 series and I expect we'll see more nailbiters. Yet another night of 'presents' from the NHL, and at least we won't be getting any sweaters! Until next time remember, no Payne no gain!

New Look, Same Payne

You may have noticed a drastic change in our layout. We at NPNG are moving forward with a new look and added features to improve your reading experience. We have added some links that I hope you find useful/entertaining. Being a huge sports fan I included TSN.ca as well as my favourite Urban Legend site, Snopes.com. You may have noticed that I am using the term 'we' a lot and that is because I would like to welcome my good friend "Side Show" to the mix. He is a great guy. Like me only shorter, hairier and more sarcastic. You will find links to his gameday blog which is fantastic, especially if you are from the gap, I mean Saskatchewan. I also included a link to Side Show's business which is fantastic if you want to know about investing, RRSP's or pensions and benefits for small business. In fact with his combination of sports/financial knowledge he passed on some great advice to me;

"Don't lend Darren McCarty Money"

Thanks Side Show.

Prediction for the finals

I say Detroit in 6 over Ottawa.

Scotty Bowman, Maggie the Monkey predict playoffs

So I watched TSN and saw the predictions of 'Maggie the Monkey" (technically a Macqaque) and Legendary coach Scotty Bowman. I decided to compare their powers of prognostication to mine. Whose predictions will be right?

If you recall a few years back Maggie accurately predicted the Ducks to make it to the finals. I don't think she'll be so lucky this time. Here we go;

In the East

Ottawa vs Tampa Bay

• Payne - Sens
• Bowman - Sens
• Maggie - Bolts

Carolina vs Montreal

• Payne - Canes
• Bowman - Canes
• Maggie - Canes

New Jersy vs New York Rangers

• Payne - Rangers
• Bowman - Devils
• Maggie - Rangers

Buffalo vs Philadelphia

• Payne - Flyers
• Bowman - Sabres
• Maggie - Sabres

Out West

Detroit vs Edmonton

• Payne - Wings
• Bowman - Wings (Duh)
• Maggie - Wings

Dallas vs Colorado

• Payne - Stars
• Bowman - Stars
• Maggie - Avs

Calgary vs Anaheim

• Payne - Flames
• Bowman - Flames
• Maggie - Flames (wow, going against her team this time)

Nashville vs San Jose

• Payne - Sharks
• Bowman - Sharks
• Maggie - Sharks

So there you have it, we all agreed on 4 and Bowman and I agreed on 6. Maggie and I agreed on 5 and Bowman and Maggie agreed on 5. Tune in later to see who was most accurate.

Caledonia Native Protest

This rant will be quick, but I have to get this off my chest. I don't yet know all the details of the aboriginal people that are protesting. I think the thrust of it is that there is land that a developer believes that he owns, and the First Nations people dispute that this land was surrendered. There is some discussion about the language and that they claim that the land was merely leased whereas the Government says it was surrendered.

With all this in mind I will say that I would have a lot more sympathy for the aboriginal's cause if they didn't hang the Canadian flag upside down. I am very patriotic, (see my profile) and I love Canada so the instant I see someone living in this great country be that disrespectful I, and many other Canadians, stop listening.

Here is some free advice. Whether you are in the right or not, and whether the government/police/world has treated you unfairly or not, acting like an idiot does not help your cause. Did Martin Luther King Jr smash windows and burn things and hang flags upside down? Did Ghandi break into show homes or burn bridges? No. Were they successful in advancing the causes that they fought for? I would say yes.

My Mom is a great lady and she taught me a revolutionary idea that you should buy into. "Two wrongs don't make a right" Ever heard of it?

Lets assume for a moment that you are in the right and the Canadian Government is wrong. Would you like to have the Canadian public agree with you and press the government to correct the situation? Or do you want the public to think you are radical criminals that need to be removed and ignored?

My fear in this instance is that the mentality that pervades large groups in tense situations, often leads to tragic consequences. The shadow of the Ipperwash incident hangs heavy in Ontario and leadership on both sides needs to take responsibility to avoid tragic consequences. We don't need another Oka crisis. Hanging our national flag upside down is precisely the type of inflammatory behaviour that leads to riots. The media pounces on things like this and that enrages the public which adds pressure to an already tense situation.

If this escalates and turns ugly I lay the blame squarely at the feet of the protesters. I don't care how you spin it. Even Phil Fontaine agrees this is not the answer. Protest all you want but tone down the theatrics or people will get hurt.

I Have Bad Gas

No no, not that kind of gas. I mean the kind you use for your car. Most places let you choose the octane level. I use Shell, (Hey I collect Air Miles) and you can choose from 87, 89 or 91 octane. Now I have no idea what octane is, or why more of it is better, but I know I can barely afford the cheap stuff. I once asked the gas jockey, (Is that what you call them? or maybe 'pump boy' or 'hose dude' I dunno) "Yes can I get something in a 50 octane?" he looked at me like I look at Leafs fans and I assumed that meant no.

The truth is there is a lot that goes into the cost of fuel. I am no genius but I realize it's a finite resource that is getting harder to find. So as environmental or political situations change, the demand fluctuates and so does the price. Kinda like when the XBOX 360 came out and there weren't enough at Christmas so people were scalping them for twice the price.

The basis for gas prices is of course crude oil prices. These are measured per barrel and a barrel is 159 Litres in case you wondered. Is that more or less than two kegs? Just curious. Well the crude costs have been fairly low traditionally even back in 1973 if you adjust the prices to todays dollars it's only around $40 US per barrel. At the time though that was an increase of nearly 75% which wreaked havoc across the globe as transportation costs affected goods of all kinds. Since then the cost has stayed at or near the same level. The only real time costs were as high as they are today was during the hostage crisis in Iran in 1980 prices reached $80 US per barrel (adjusted).

It seems though that crude may hit $100 US per barrel in the not too distant future which means that my days of driving your SUV to the end of the driveway to pick up your mail may be over. I may even have to walk or bike now! Noooooooooooo!

Of course in the short term I would like to see the government back off the taxes. As you see in the chart above we pay a LOT of tax on fuel. In fact based on Oct 05 prices a 50 L fill would cost you $16 Cdn just in tax! It's not like it is just one tax either. Every province and territory pays a federal excise tax, a provincial tax, (not to be confused with PST), as well as the GST/HST. Yes a tax on a tax! Quebec also pays 7.5 cents PST and in some cities there is also a transit tax. Vancouver's transit tax is 6 cents per litre. Montreal residents pay 5 different taxes on fuel. Nationally averaged, we pay approx 35% tax on fuel whereas the US pays only 20%. The funny thing is we are actually doing pretty good in Canada. Look at the cost of fuel taxes internationally;

• Gas prices as of Oct 05 in Cdn dollars were very close around the world. the US, Canada, Japan, Spain, France, Germany and the U.K. were within 11 cents of eachother ranging from .68 to .79 per litre.
• The taxes were vastly different however, ranging from .62 in Spain to a whopping 1.27 in the U.K. meaning that the Brits pay more than 65% of their total fuel cost on taxes! that means the brits pay $63 in taxes on a 50 L fill! No wonder their buses are double deckers.

The Conservative government has pledged to offer some relief at the pump in the next budget so stay tuned for that announcement. If only we could harness the hot air from politicians, now that would be a renewable resource! I could go on and on (and frequently do) about collusion, (big word, kind of like wheelbarrow), or the effects on our economy but the bottom line is that this summer it will cost more than ever to drive or fly anywhere, and consumer goods are likely to be marked up as transportation costs rise.

So for the foreseeable future I like many others will have to settle for 87 octane and feel the effects of all that bad gas. Until next time remember, no Payne no gain.

Tomorrow we will have the latest from the UFC, and then it's the NHL playoffs!

Thanks to CBC and Petro-Canada for providing info for this article. Wow this is a very tiny font. I wonder if anyone will bother reading this.

Chase the Ace

Well you knew it was inevitable. Ace was in over his head on Idol and with only 7 contestants left there was nowhere to hide. Ironically his perfomance last night was one of the best in weeks but alas, too little too late. I was getting tired of his 'Blue Steel' look and boyband fashion sense anyhow.

I am shocked and appaled that Chris was the last one that was safe. If he would have gone I would have changed the channel with my foot....repeatedly. I thought Chris did a great job changing things up with the Louis Armstrong classic, "What a Wonderful World" and he is still my favourite to win.

Taylor was his usual soulful self and Elliott is cool though I can't figure out why he keeps getting into the bottom 3. Katharine is gorgeous but I am tired of her constant melancholy performances and the whole Dad thing is driving me nuts. Awwww look he's crying he's so proud. Big deal! I mean I have a daughter and I wouldn't....ok well yah I probably would cry but it's ok for me to do because I like me! Again I digress. Kelly blew it but is cute enough to hang around because of her 'great shoes' which just leaves Paris.

Like Simon says you are a great singer just don't talk. I may have paraphrased but c'mon, that voice is awful, it makes me want to plug my ears with something sharp.

Next week is Andrea Bocelli the blind opera singer. At least we don't have to worry about him trying to make sexy faces into the camera as it swings around him. I am interested to see what they sing next week. Wouldn't it be nice if they had Metallica night or maybe something obscure like Bjork? or I know how about a RuPaul night! Ok I have lost it now. Stay tuned.

WOO HOO the NHL Playoffs are here!

I guess the only good thing about my Canucks pulling a Bode Miller and not making the playoffs is that at least we finished 2 pts up on Toronto! In fact we are the best out of the losers! 92 pts = highest point total that didn't make the playoffs. Anyway I digress. This is about my predictions for the first round of the playoffs.

There is a lot of Parity out there and the NHL insists the crackdown on obstruction remains in place so this should make for some exciting hockey. Can Calgary recapture it's passion from 04? (long live the 'Red Mile') Will Hasek return to the Sens? Will Forsberg last? So many storylines so little time. With that in mind lets get to it.

Lets start in the East;

• Ottawa vs Tampa Bay - No question that TB has lost a lot of ground since becoming the long-reigning champ. No Khabibulin, and St Louis playing like a small man puts the bolts in tough against a stacked Ottawa powerhouse. Hasek apparently isn't ready yet but does it matter against the inconsistent Lightning? Nope. I say Ottawa in 5, 4 if Hasek gets back.
• Carolina vs Montreal - Carolina is possibly the best they have ever been and are scary good with Staal, Weight, Brind'Amour etc. Montreal has been on fire and could surprise some if Huet plays like he did earlier. If he plays like he did in game 82 it could be a sweep. Tough call. I will go out on a limb and say Montreal makes a game of it but falls short. Canes in 6
• New Jersey vs New York Rangers - These teams may be # 3 and # 6 respectively but they are actually only 1 point apart in the standings. This is the toughest one to call. Brodeur has 144 playoff games under his belt and is possibly the most consistent performer in net that the NHL has ever seen, but I don't see him stopping the Czechs uh I mean the Rangers. They are too powerful with Jagr looking interested in playing and the wunderkind Henrik Lundqvist winning over 30 games. This will likely go 7 but I give a slight edge to the Rangers. Rangers in 7
• Buffalo vs Philadelphia - The Sabres look good and seem to have a balanced attack. Ex-Jet Teppo Numminen is in fine form and Co-captains Briere and Drury offer different looks on offence. Which goalie they go with is a question mark with Ryan Miller looking good but lacking experience and Biron finishing the season with a well earned shutout against the 'Canes. I don't think it matters. If Forsberg plays it could be a short series, he simply dominates when he is on his game and guys like Carter, Gagne and Knuble are raring to go. The Flyers have been up and down lately but I think they are going to turn it around. Philly in 6

Now to the West;

• Detroit vs Edmonton - The season series was split 2 games each and the Oilers are a fast young team. Ryan Smyth is a warrior and Roloson is rounding into form. That being said they could be a bug on the Detroit Red Wings windshield. Detroit won the presidents trophy going away and this juggernaut may be unstoppable. Stevie Y is likely on his last playoff run and his will alone could take them to the end. The Wings are deep and well coached so this one may be over quick. Wings in 5 but a sweep wouldn't be a surprise.
• Dallas vs Colorado - This is going to be interesting. Colorado is not the team it used to be and goaltending is an issue. Theodore is playing again but after such a bad season and coming off injury do you go with him? Do you play the kid with no experience instead? Budaj has a better than 500 record but is he ready for the intensity of the playoffs? Dallas will go with Turco who I expect to pick it up now that the games count. Dallas has been shaky down the stretch but with their experience and talent they should overcome the Avs. It might be close but I say Stars in 6
• Calgary vs Anaheim - Kiprusoff is the best goalie in the league right now and the guy never loses his cool. Iggy is a tremendous leader and plays well when it counts. Brian Burke has drastically improved this team and with Neidermayer x 2 as well as a reborn Teemu Selanne this team could go deep...Unless Phaneuf shortens the duck bench with his hellacious hits. The Sutter factor may give the Flames the edge though but it should be the most intense series of the first round. Flames in 7
• Nashville vs Thornton/Cheechoo- oops I mean San Jose - Wow what a difference a trade makes! Cheechoo wins the Rocket and Thornton gets the Ross. This team is dynamite and I don't think Nashville will be able to solve the dynamic duo especially now that they have lost Vokoun. Kariya is a veteran and knows how to find the net, and Sullivan and Sillinger got there too but without Vokoun I fear Nashville is done. San Jose in 5

So there you have it. My bold predictions. check back later to see if I know what I am talking about. Feel free to post your comments and see if you can predict it better. Until next time remember, no Payne no game!

Easter Candy.....(groan)

Well Easter is done for another year, and I still wonder how a chocolate egg laying rabbit ties in with the resurrection of Jesus. I don't mean to offend but was the Easter Bunny one of Jesus' friends? Did Jesus create the Easter Bunny? Or perhaps hide eggs for 3 days? I may never know, but as long as the junk food keeps coming I am there baby!

I am not a big chocolate fan, I prefer candy from the 'gummy' or 'jujube' food groups normally seen at Halloween, but I can't get enough of those rice krispie filled crunchy chocolate bunnies oooooooooooooh yum.

So the Question of the day is; Which candy do you prefer? Halloween or Easter?

I must say right off the bat that Easter junk is less work, you get a basket of it and you don't even have to freeze to death walking door to door getting scared out of your wits by haunted houses to collect the loot. On the other hand Halloween means more variety and if you have a reliable work force (translation: willing children) then you can collect a sizeable pile. Just for info I have Halloween Candy from 2 halloweens ago in a pillowcase. We still can't eat it all.

The other issue is if you're jonesing for chocolate, Easter is definitely the way to go. Those mini Halloween chocolate bars just don't get it done. Easter though, MAN! You get some serious chocolate, unless of course someone cheaps out and gets you a hollow bunny.

I am vehemently opposed to hollow chocolate unless there is a prize inside or more junk food. I mean seriously. A hollow egg or bunny is like getting a box that used to contain a TV or XBox. They also fall apart to easily. Nothing better than a solid bunny and just biting off a big chunk, especially if you are morbid and enjoy biting off the ears first, or the head. How many of us as kids haven't enjoyed 'torturing' our bunnies by strategically eating certain parts first...ok I still do it. It's part of the fun.

Finally Cadbury creme eggs. How can you not love them? I just wish I could get them all year. I love the creamy centre, it is so good it makes everything around it better. I bet it would even make brussel sprouts taste better....ok maybe not.

Well I guess that's it until Halloween...we need more 'candy' holidays, 1 every 6 months just doesn't work. Hopefully one day someone can explain where the Easter bunny came from, but as long as he keeps laying all those yummy eggs I'm cool with it. Until next time remember, no Payne, no gain.

Bucky goes home! ....Finally

So I missed the first few minutes but who cares it was probably highlights anyway. I am hoping Paris goes, or Ace. Man have I done a 180 on Ace, I thought he would have done better. God I hate those stupid 'videos' that they do to peddle sponsors stuff. The outfits reminded me of my Dad anyway.

Taylor is safe, no surprise there. Katharine is safe, so we should see her cry some more. Chris is safe, but needs to diversify I think. Just a little, show his softer side. Kellie has a great family, lots of love there, good thing she is safe. Elliott is amazing, I can't believe he is in the bottom 3. I like his arrangement of 'Somebody to love' the changes really suit him. Ace looks like a has-been from a boy band, he needs to go. I am still embarrassed by his conversation with Brian May. He is deservedly in the bottom 3. Bucky is in the bottom 3 so now Paris is safe. I can't stand her speaking voice. Maybe if she just sang everything then she wouldn't sound so annoying. So the bottom 3 is Elliott, Ace and Bucky. I was hoping Paris would be in there.

Bucky sings 'Fat Bottom Girls' ok but he is not talented enough. Speaking of fat bottom girls it seems Bucky will be joining Mandisa as he finally got voted out. Good call but I think it should have been Ace. So next week is is going to be Rod Stewart week on Idol. That should be interesting. I wonder which guy will sing "If yah think I'm sexy."

Maybe next week my dream will come true and Paris will be gone. Who knows. I am pulling for Taylor or Chris to win it all, so lets see what happens. Until next time remember, no Payne no gain.

Happy Birthday Dad!

60 years ago today, in a small Scottish town, (Whitburn, West Lothian, Scotland)
my Dad entered the world. He came to Canada when he was a baby and is still my favourite immigrant.

My Dad spent most of his life on Vancouver Island and has been in the public eye for 30 + years with stops as a radio DJ, host of his own show on CHEK (now CH) TV as well as stops as a councillor for both the City of Duncan and the municipality of North Cowichan. He has also written columns for several newspapers and has been an inspiration for me my whole life.

My Dad wrote in his high school yearbook that he wanted to either go into broadcasting or into the Air Force. Well he went one way and I went the other. I sometimes wish that I would have followed in my Fathers footsteps but he was sensible enough to let me know that broadcasting is difficult and there is not much job security. Who knows maybe it will be my second career.

I was not an easy kid to raise. I was lazy in school, I had bully problems, I was a picky eater. I was in a terrible car accident and I even shot myself once....ok it wasn't on purpose and everything worked out ok aside from my nickname 'Trigger' that I got from a friends Dad. I got through all that though and I even became a pretty decent person. I did well in Air Cadets, and have so far been pretty good at my job. I am also trying to branch out into writing and stand up comedy, and most of that is because of the influence my Dad has had on me.

My Dad is outgoing and funny. He taught me about many things and gave me the gift of sarcasm. He is in better shape now than he was 20 years ago and pampers his dog too much. I mean you can't technically call her a lap dog if my Dad is always carrying her. Maybe she should be called a forearm dog. He loves my Mom and is the hero of his grand-children. I hope that I turn out just like him when I grow up, (I am 35 so that may never happen but who knows), although with a little more hair.

The bottom line is that I am lucky to have a Dad like mine. I am proud to be your son and I love you, and thanks for giving me advice when I need it. Have a great day Dad! We all miss you.

American Idol Why do I watch it?

So I am sitting here nursing a sore toe, (I stubbed it on a concrete step and tore off a piece....I know it's just a toe but it's mine and it hurts!) and wondering what to write about. Well I have drawn a blank....I am sure there is a vasectomy joke in there somewhere. So I have decided to write about Idol, Mostly American, but a little about Canadian Idol also.

A little background first. I used to be a lead singer in a rock band, We weren't that great but I liked us, and so did most people that heard us. We even filmed a video....We stopped shooting when we were assaulted by hookers who apparently don't like being filmed while waiting for customers. I also work part time as a DJ so I know a little bit about singing and how hard it can be.

I don't understand why people that are obviously brutal even bother. I guess in the hope that they make the tv show with one of numerous 'bad singer' clips. A lot of people don't realize that very few singers get to go in front of the judges. Most are rejected by the producers. I am shocked by the turnout. So many people, so few decent singers. I think it's a big karaoke contest and most of the contestants seem to blend together in a non-threatening family friendly way.

So why do I like it? I don't know. I suppose there is the occasional good tune belted out, and I appreciate the personalities of the odd prospect, I liked Ruben, I really liked Bo Bice and Constantine Maroulis last year and there always seems to be eye candy so that's nice too, that Ace is dreamy-uh I mean Katharine McPhee. To me the best show in that genre was Rockstar INXS last year, I liked almost every song and JD fortune I think kicks the a$$ off any Idol weenie. In any case whether I admit it or not, I am glued every Tues/Wed to the Idol experience. For the record I am pulling for Taylor or Chris and I think Paris and Bucky need to go. I mean seriously who names their kid 'Bucky'?

On the flip side I have nooooooooo interest whatsoever in Canadian Idol. I am fiercely patriotic and I am normally the first one to stand up for anything Canadian. I almost always pick the Canadian item before an American one. But come on....Ben Mulroney? Sass Jordan? ugh...Canadian Idol just seems sooooooooo lame and low budget in comparison. I mean look at Kelly Clarkson from the first American Idol. Now do you remember our Canadian Idol from season 1? Ryan Malcolm....good singer but nobody cares. I heard about a show in Ottawa where they had to change venues because he sold less than 2000 tickets. There is no comparison...lets fold Canadian Idol and watch 'Beachcombers' reruns instead. Or spend quality time with the family...Ha ha I know I know I was kidding of course. You get the idea, I am sure you can find some way to entertain yourself.

I am watching the 'Queen' themed show and I just saw Ace ask Queen to rearrange 'We will rock you'...Are you f*&$% serious? what an IDIOT! Brian May told him no and made Ace look like a freak. He sang so bad I think he may have done enough to get voted out before Bucky. I can't believe it. Chris rocked but could have picked a better song. Katharine was hot and I suppose she sang well but she bored me....she is always the same. Kelly Pickler, cute girl lame performance. Bucky Covington....sucks. Elliott stomped guts....he was awesome! best performance yet tonight. Taylor rocked out with a last minute song change. He made the right choice. Simon didn't like it which is too bad because I actually like Simon. Finally Paris....I can't stand Paris, she was ok but I want her to go. I say tomorrow Ace goes but we'll see.

I guess the last thing I wanted to say was that I think Paula Abdul is the biggest cheerleader around. Is she perpetually high or does she just love everything?! Nice hair though. I still think Simon is the judge that really knows what he is talking about. Anyway the shows over and I feel like illegally downloading Queen songs. So until next time remember, no Payne no gain.

The Simpsons Cultural significance…D’Oh!

1989, what a year. Milli Vanilli was lip-synching their way to the top of the charts, Michael Keaton was ‘Batman’ and 80’s glam was making way for 90’s grunge. I had just left a promising career as the ‘head chef’ at a fancy restaurant in my home town….Ok it was Dairy Queen and I mostly flipped burgers, and I suppose it wasn’t that promising but hey I had just turned 19 and was old enough to legally drink so it wasn’t all bad.

On Sunday December 17th of that year a quirky little animated program made its debut and changed my life forever. A dysfunctional family from the ubiquitous town of ‘Springfield’ USA. I believe the appeal of the Simpsons primarily comes from two sources.

First, the Simpsons never age. Aging characters kill most shows, even animated ones, (see the Flintstones with grown up Pebbles and Bam Bam) as the chemistry changes. When you have a show about a 10 yr old brat, he will not have the same hopes and fears as a 27 yr old. Which is how old Bart would be if he aged with every year of the show. If needed the show uses flashbacks or dreams of the future to show the characters aging. This has resulted in some great moments. Who can forget Bart as an aging male stripper or Lisa as the President of the US.

Second, the show has always been very clever in its satire, mocking everything from popular movies to musical groups and everything in between. Having a stellar cast of guest stars hasn’t hurt either, with guest voices from Bob Hope to Elizabeth Taylor as well as music legends like Barry White, Aerosmith, The Rolling Stones and even Paul McCartney. A lot of people don’t realize that in order for him to appear the producers had to agree to keep Lisa a vegetarian for the entirety of the series.

For years people have speculated about a possible Simpsons Movie, and now the wait is over. My life will be complete on July 27th 2007 when the Simpsons family hits the big screen after almost 18 years of preparation. The talented voice cast will show off all our loveable favourites. Barney, Chief Wiggum, Principal Skinner, Apu and the rest on the big screen! I can’t believe it….I am beginning to hyperventilate!

Some have speculated that the Simpsons can’t be converted for the big screen, that the series is successful because of its pace and that feature length won’t work. Well to that I say ‘eat my shorts!’ I believe the Simpsons can have their cake and eat it too….mmmmmmm cake (drool drool). In any case I can’t wait! If you are a Simpsons Fan please feel free to leave a comment. I’d also love to hear who your favourite character is. Mine is Apu Nahasapeemapetalon. Try saying that 5 times fast. Until next time remember, no Payne, no gain!

Quick Hit - Hockey torment

I just saw the standings.....aww man! Canucks are two points out from San Jose who has a game in hand. I feel sick. My boys were supposed to contend this year. What happened? The top line sucked all year. I don't even want them to make the playoffs now as it may gloss over the fact that we need to make changes. Yah I said 'we' because I have been a fan my whole life and after suffering through crushing failure after crushing failure, I think I have earned the right. All those bad teams, all those ugly uniforms...remember the big V? or the 'skate on a plate'? Anyway I digress. We face Calgary tonight and if we don't win hopefully we will just lose the last 4 and call it a season. If we win I refuse to get excited unless we win all 5. That's it for now. Check in during the game tonight for more.

UFC Rules! Here’s why…

I was a young adult and enjoyed martial arts movies just as much as the next guy but I was becoming disillusioned. Bruce Lee was dead, Chuck Norris acted like he was dead, Steven Segal was menacing but ran like a girl, and Jean Claude Van Damme was pretty but I was tired of seeing how many different ways he could use a movie to show off his butt. So what is a guy supposed to do? Well back around 1993 a sport came out that caught my eye, the Ultimate Fighting Championship or UFC. It was similar to a kumite like I had seen on ‘Bloodsport’ but without the slow motion and bad acting.

In the early days the UFC was more like a human cock fight than a legitimate sporting event and its appeal was limited mostly to a small portion of the 18 – 30 male demographic. With an ownership change and more stringent rules the sport began to experience a lot of momentum, and gained fans from both sexes. They even began to steal fans from boxing. Soon even celebrities would be more prevalent as the UFC pay-per-views (PPV) became the place to be in Las Vegas. The catalyst for the sports new popularity was, for many, ‘The Ultimate Fighter’ season one on Spike TV.

I became addicted early the first season wishing that Chris Leben would grow up and that somebody would pound Bobby Southworth and Alex Koschek. Watching Sam Hoger steal stuff and then get caught was also exciting. The high point was the season finale and the light heavyweight battle between Stephan Bonnar and Forrest Griffin. One of the most exciting and action packed bouts I have ever witnessed, (and with my big mouth I have been in a lot of fights) it was exactly what the sport needed at that moment.

Well last night season 3 of TUF started with a 90 minute premiere featuring coaches and sworn enemies Tito Ortiz and Ken Shamrock. As for Canadian content, we are represented by Vancouver’s Kalib Starnes, a huge improvement on crybaby Jason Thacker, or season 2 whiner Rob MacDonald.

The tension was unreal between Ortiz and Shamrock and the producers did an excellent job contrasting the differing styles of these MMA icons. Kalib Starnes, decked out in a fancy maple leaf haircut, made short work of Mike Stine thus making it further than any Canadian. It wasn’t all good news as the previews showed Shamrock losing it on the Canuck in the next episode. I can’t believe I have to wait a whole week for more!

I love this show and more fans are tuning in all the time. With UFC 59 coming up in just a little over a week the excitement is building fast and I don’t think it will be long before the UFC and Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) surpass boxing. Only time will tell.

Stay tuned this weekend for moron hockey- (oops I meant more on hockey but with the way the Canucks are playing….) and on Monday (or possibly Sunday, I dunno, it’s not like I have an editor) my thoughts on the Simpsons and their upcoming movie. So until next time remember, no Payne, no gain!

What is Fratricide?

What an ugly word. Fratricide is the bland new catchword (yes I meant bland) that means ‘friendly fire.’ It is also a word that means heartbreak for the Costall family. It means that Private Robert Costall from Thunder Bay, a good guy and a heck of a ball hockey player has been taken too soon at only 22 years of age. His widow, Chrissy Costall and their 1-year-old son must now carry on without him.

I really hope that the investigation is wrong and that it wasn’t ‘friendly fire.’ I hope for this for many reasons. Anyone that knows a little about armed conflict realizes that fratricide is a potential hazard but that doesn’t help those that must deal with the aftermath.

Obviously the worst part of this whole thing is the effect on Pte Costall’s family. Whether or not this blows over in the next few weeks or if it sparks a debate between parties across the political spectrum is unknown at this time, but the family will continue to suffer long after the inevitable investigations come to a conclusion.
The impact from this incident will primarily be the public outcry for our forces to withdraw from Afghanistan. (See my previous rant about Afghanistan for more details) No one wants people to suffer or die and this cannot break our determination to do what is right. We are there for a good reason, one that is misunderstood but necessary nonetheless.

Another factor that can’t be avoided is the rehashing of the Tarnak Farm incident. The poor families and the comrades of those that were killed will be forced to relive this nightmare again. The optics of this must look bad for the US military also, which may possibly lend credence to the voices trying to pressure the Bush administration to enact an exit strategy and implement it quickly.

The bottom line is that this horrible tragedy somehow seems worse in light of the fratricide investigation and I shudder at what the coming days and weeks hold. Lets try and temper the rhetoric we hear with what is most important in all of this. Somewhere a 1-year-old boy lost his Dad and our nation lost one of its finest citizens. Until next time remember….

Roll Up the Rim to Lose

I read the cup….it says 1 in 9 are winners….it must be wrong. I win every single time. Oh wait; ‘please play again’ means you lose….ok I better re-check my math. Lets see, I don’t drink coffee since it’s gross and if you know me, I don’t need caffeine. So for me it is all about the Steeped tea, Large, two milk, four sugar. That’s right FOUR SUGAR! I am awfully sweet and so is my tea. If I put the stir stick in and it doesn’t stand on its own then I need more sugar. I tried to have less but it doesn’t work. For me tea without an unhealthy amount of sugar is like a day without sunshine….mmmm sweet sunshine. I digress.

Now I have had, since the contest started, roughly 70 large tea’s and I have won 2 large coffees. So I guess that would be 1 in 35. Most of the people I talk with are in a similar boat. Where are all the winners? I’m not greedy. I don’t need the RAV4 or the ‘tworunner’ as I call it. (y’know, like the forerunner but wimpier). But I could use a BBQ or some cash, or even a 50” plasma so I can watch my Canucks lose there way to better golf scores.

I would like you to post after you read this, what your odds are? Lets see if maybe someone is worse off than me? Or maybe some lucky b*&#@ out there is winning like 1 out of every 2. I mean I would happily give up half a RAV4 in a nasty legal dispute at this point I am so desperate to win.

Maybe that Toronto Tim Horton’s Fire was just a guy that had enough with losing. Ouch I know I can’t believe I went there either but it’s too late I already typed it and I don’t know how to work the ‘Backspace’ key. Now if you’ll excuse me I gotta go. I am Jonesing for some tea to go with my sugar. Until next time remember, No Payne No Gain.

Finally an update!

This one will be all over the map folks so I apologize. Actually I apologize twice, once for waiting so long and the second time for the tangents I will go on. Lots to cover so like my Dad used to say when I was a kid: "Shut your mouth and get busy or I'll kill you" ...ok he never said that, it was actually my Grandmother.

First - The Vancouver Cannots...What can I say, another year of unfulfilled potential. This season has fallen apart faster than the shelf I made from IKEA. Seriously I haven't seen a collapse like this since my belt snapped. Why can this team never seem to get it together. I mean we made it to the finals in 82 and 94....so every 12 years roughly so shouldn't this be our year? Oh well at this point the biggest farce would be if we made it then everything would just get glossed over and I think we need to blow the team up and start over. Trade Bert, let Jovo walk, (which is hard to say because I love the guy) lose Cloutier and possibly...Naslund. Finally retire Trevor's #16 and then go in a new direction. Re-sign Carter and the twins and get back some draft picks. Then maybe next year we bring in Bourdon and that American Goalie we drafted and see what we can do.

Next, I hate Barry Bonds, Glad he was booed. Let's get a wheelbarrow for his steroids and a moving truck for his ego and put him out to pasture. Nothing good comes from his continued play except bad press for MLB. Good on you Bud Selig for starting an investigation, lets hope it has more teeth than my Grandpa.

Finally, What's with all of these ridiculous sayings in peoples signature blocks these days? Anyone else getting sick of it? I mean seriously look at this one;

"History is memory, inspiration, and commonality -
and a nation without memory is every bit as adrift
as an amnesiac wandering the streets. History matters,
and we forget this truth at our peril."
--J.L. Granatstein

My God! I fell asleep reading it! now I have a friend that uses Biblical terms, check it;

"for what has a man profited if he gains everything but forfeits his soul?"

....I dunno but what has your soul done for you lately? I know I can't pay my rent with my soul so maybe I'll take everything instead...Or finally there are many who close out in Latin

"Per Ardua Ad Astra" (through adversity to the stars)

Who speaks Latin anyway? seriously. I decided to look up my own latin terms and found this one to be pretty sweet;

"Vello mei pollex" (pull my finger) or how about;
"Semper Ubi Sub Ubi" (always wear under wear)...think about it.
or last but not least;
"cum grano salis" (take it with a grain of salt)

Don't even get me started on the 'inspirational' ones about leadership or initiative like those irritating motivational posters. They drive me nuts! Leave em out and save precious electrons, or at the very least please make them funny! ANyway I guess that is it for now. Until next time, remember. No Payne No Gain!

Sincerely,
Payne

"....for what has a man profited if he gains everything but forgets where he put it."