CANADA RULES!

On the eve of the Canada day long weekend I wanted to take the time to explain 10 things that make our country great.

Our Beer – Canadian beer is some of the finest in the world, and as a Canadian who has travelled abroad, I can definitively say that our beer is part of our identity. You don’t realize how much you miss it until you haven’t had it for a while. We are fiercely loyal to our beer too. Blue, Canadian, Kokanee all have a following as do others and the Molson and Labatt’s breweries

Hockey – The most exciting sport in the world has been around a long time thanks to this great nation. While other countries are getting better and better, no one can match our passion for the game. Hockey is part of the fabric of what makes us Canadian and our hockey heroes are held in the highest regard. Superstars like Wayne Gretzky, Rocket Richard and Gordie Howe are more than players, they are icons; and whether it’s played in front of 20,000 screaming fans under the television lights or on a pond at sunset our game will always be hockey.

CFL Football – Ok so the biggest stars are in the NFL and usually American but the style of our game and the character of the fans and stadiums across the country are what make this game stand out. The CFL has at times been even higher profile than the NFL but when you are competing with a country that has 10 times your population you may not get the exposure you want. The league has undergone a resurgence in recent years and is now more popular than it has been for a long time. The fans in Riderville, or Steel town are just as fervent as those in any big American city and our sense of ownership of the league makes it more like part of the family than a big business.

Tim Horton’s – While most customers arguably have no idea that Tim Horton was a real guy, and a standout player for Toronto and Buffalo in the NHL, They all know where their nearest store is. It’s not just the coffee, or the donuts that make ‘Timmy’s’ great it’s the fact that the chain is uniquely Canadian and whether it’s the free Timmy’s coffee for deployed troops, or the new Timmy’s opening on the base in Afghanistan, or the sponsorship of youth sports and camps and many other things, Tim Horton’s is everywhere. From the big city to the smallest town, when you step inside a Tim Horton’s you are home.

Our geography – From the massive old growth forests in BC, to the Rocky cliffs and seaside villages in Newfoundland our country has some of the most diverse geography in the world. Want Arctic Tundra? Travel to the territories. Want the pristine open sky of the prairies, see Alberta, Saskatchewan and Manitoba. Do you long for the Urban jungle? See Toronto, Montreal and Vancouver. Mountains, Rivers, Lakes or oceans are there to enjoy in any season and the small communities that stitch our country together offer all sorts of quaint experiences. I bet you didn’t know we even have deserts! Regradless of your preference there is a piece of Canada for you.

Don Cherry/Hockey Night in Canada – Hockey Night in Canada has been around before people even had television. The Canadian staple has been around longer than the American program ‘Monday Night Football.’ What was started by legendary play by play pioneer Foster Hewitt has evolved into a juggernaut in Canadian broadcasting with Bob Cole, Harry Neale, Ron MacLean and of course….Don Cherry! ‘Grapes’ is one of the most passionate Canadians you will ever meet. Imparting his vast knowledge of hockey and the odd outrageous opinion he never ceases to generate discussion. While he didn’t win the CBC’s ‘Greatest Canadian’ show, in the hearts and minds of many Don Cherry is the King.

Our funny guys – Canada has given the world some of the biggest laughs from hilarious Canadians like Jim Carrey, Mike Myers, John Candy, Dan Aykroyd, Howie Mandell, Dave Foley, Norm MacDonald, William Shatner, Matthew Perry, Martin Short, Phil Hartman, Leslie Nielsen and more have been and continue to be some of the greatest ambassadors for our country.

Our musicians – Paul Anka, Rush, The Tragically hip, The Barenaked Ladies, The Guess Who, Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Avril Lavigne, Alanis Morrisette, Michael Buble, Dianna Krall, Neil Young, Bryan Adams, Bruce Cockburn, Paul Schaffer, Sum 41, Simple Plan, Sarah McLachlin and even Stompin’ Tom Connors have provided the soundtrack for the special moments in our lives.

Our innovators – Without great minds like the ones belonging to the likes of James Naismith, Jaques Plante, Alexander Graham Bell, Armand Bombardier, and Lester B Pearson, we wouldn’t have; basketball, goalie masks, the Telephone, Snowmobiles or Peacekeeping.

Our people – I have travelled all over the world and have been overwhelmed by the reception I have received in every country I have visited, and I have been to a few; Australia, Bahrain, Japan, South Korea, Kuwait, China, Germany, USA, United Arab Emirates, Mexico, India, Malaysia and more and everywhere I went I was treated well. I was amazed at the outpouring of affection I received especially, in Korea and India. Canada is still very well respected around the world.

Now some may get on my case for what I left out and some may complain that 'Universal Health Care' or 'Freedom' or 'Multi-Culturalism' should have been included, but that's another great thing about Canada. Everyone can express their own opinions. I hope everyone has a fantastic Canada Day long weekend, please don't drink and drive.

...and if you can spare a minute of your time to think about all the Canadians serving the Canadian Forces Overseas and their families, that'd be great. Now let's raise a toast to my favourite 139 yr old, CANADA!

If you are near a computer over the weekend check back to see BOTW#6. Until next time remember, no Payne no gain!

UFC - Leben, Bonnar Suffer Setbacks

I love the UFC, you all know it, and Ultimate Fight Night Live is a special treat. Kind of like a free pay per view in the middle of the week. As a big fan of Stephan Bonnar and Chris Leben last night was a big night for them to move up the ladder of contention towards a future title shot. Well much like Tracy Williams said when I asked her out in grade 10; "Forget it, it's not gonna happen anytime soon."

• Mark Hominick outpointed season two alum Jorge Gurgel (pronounced George gurzhel) in a stand up battle. Hominick did everything to avoid a takedown and Gurgel didn't press when he made good strikes and when the smoke cleared it was a narrow decision (that drew boos) for the Canadian Hominick.
• Jonathan Goulet fought season two runner up Luc Cummo in a back and forth submission fest. The elaborately decorated Goulet looked much better in this fight than his last when he was knocked out in 1 punch after an 11 second embarrassment. Luc seemed to have a bit of an edge in the 2nd but came out gassed in the 3rd. Goulet nearly got choked in the final minute but managed to escape and won the bout on the scorecard
• Rob MacDonald vs Kristian Rothaermel - I had no excitement about this fight going in as TUF season two whiner MacDonald drove me nuts and Kristian from season 3 looks finished. Quick fight with Rothaermel doing absolutely nothing but I loved how MacDonald finished the fight! Quickest arm bar I have seen. Impressive win for the Canadian.
• Leben vs Silva - many people didn't realize until tonight that Anderson Silva is an established MMA star. Leben, who has been solid since his UFC debut looked to possibly contend if he could get by Silva, but Silva obviously missed the memo. The bout lasted 49 seconds and while Leben landed 1 good shot that cut Silva over the eye, the rest of the (short) fight belonged to Silva. To Leben's credit he should have been out after the first bomb but he stuck around for another couple of barrages and actually tried to trade while stunned...Bad move. Silva finished off with a solid knee and a couple of hammer fists that left Leben in dreamland, much to the delight of Josh Koschek who was seen cheering after it happened. I haven't seen that kind of a massive assault since June 6, 1944 (D Day).
• Bonnar vs Evans - Stephan Bonnar was coming off a controversial decision over Jardine and was trying to redeem himself. His skills have improved greatly and the guy can take a hit. Evans has never impressed me as he is predominantly a wrestler. I figured Bonnar would pound him out and if it went to ground it would be a submission....as in many things, buy was I wrong! This was a very boring fight and if you saw 1 minute of it, the rest of the fight was like an instant replay, Bonnar swings, Evans shoots, slams Bonnar, full guard, Bonnar tries for a kimura and they both get back to their feet. Repeat. Evans was all over Bonnar like paparazzi on celebrity offspring. when the final bell sounded everyone, including a very dejected Bonnar knew who won. I still don't like Evans.

So to recap , a good night for Canadians, Goulet, Hominick and MacDonald and a big setback for Bonnar and Leben. Silva emerged as a real threat to Franklin in the months to come and overall a good appetizer for the main event on July 8th, UFC 61 Bitter Rivals. I can't wait for Ken Shamrock to get beaten down! Until next time remember, no Payne no gain!

CFL Week Three Picks

I am fairly confident that my picks for week 3 will turn out better than last week, they certainly can't be worse. week one I was a respectable 3-1, unfortunately week two I was shut out 0-4 leaving me with a record of 3-5 overall. I need to go 3-0 just to get over .500! Ok I feel good about my picks so lets go.

• Hamilton at Calgary - Maas looked awful last week although the loss wasn't entirely his fault. Hamilton is still coming together and much like Sask in the West, I think they will contend down the stretch. Calgary was expected to be much improved and I think the jury is still out on how improved after last week's loss to Edmonton. This one will be tight but I think that Calgary's home field advantage gives them the edge. Calgary 27 Hamilton 22
• Toronto at BC - I still think BC is the team to beat but they have to eliminate mistakes as last weeks error filled 4th cost them the game. If they eliminate the mistakes they should still roll, though not having Clermont shows. I like Ricky Williams don't get me bong - er I mean wrong, I just think he is over-hyped and I doubt he will get to the 100 yard mark against a rejuvenated BC defence. Spergon Wynn is no Damon Allen and I think that guarantees a Leos victory. BC 42 Tor 26
• Edmonton at Winnipeg - Ok I admit on paper this shouldn't be close, but after betting against Winnipeg and getting burned I am not so sure this week. Ricky Ray is excellent but the Bomber defence is the most improved in the league and I think they will stop Ricky and the boys. Winnipeg 24 Edm 21

Montreal and Saskatchewan are off this week. However it shakes out it should be a good weekend of football. check back later for my UFC 'Ultimate Fight Night Live' recap.

Payneful Top 10 *New Feature*

In an effort to make your reading experience more exciting and varied I am debuting a new regular feature every Wednesday called the Payneful Top 10. Each week I will give you a top 10 list (as long as I don't run out of topics) and for the first one I thought I would share my list of favourite Horror flicks. One of my favourite pastimes is to sit and watch a scary movie, and for the best experience I recommend watching them at night, in the dark, preferably in a house that is far away from the lights of the city, so you can imagine all sorts of evil things when you go to bed after. There are so many good ones, here are my top 10

10)Return of the Living Dead, While this movie is essentially a comedy the premise is a little scary. A bumbling pair of employees at a medical supply warehouse accidentally release a deadly gas into the air, the vapors cause the dead to re-animate as they go on a rampage through Louisville, Kentucky seeking their favorite food, brains! Zombie flicks rule. Also note a fairly risque dance scene by a punk rock girl in the graveyard.

9)Alien, Sigourney Weaver is almost a pioneer with her role as the main protagonist in this sci-fi/horror film. The crew of the deep space mining ship Nostromo are awaken from hypersleep to investigate a strange signal from a nearby planet. While investigating the signal, they discover it was intended as a warning, and not an SOS. What follows are some grisly and inventive special effects based on the work of H.R.Giger including an oft-immitated gore scene that was a surprise to the cast during filming to get a better reaction.

8)An American Werewolf in London, Excellent make up effects and a spooky setting out on the moors makes this one of a kind. Two American students are on a walking tour of England and are attacked by a Werewolf. One is killed, the other is mauled. The Werewolf is killed, but reverts to it's human form, and the townspeople are able to deny it's existence. The surviving student begins to have nightmares of hunting on 4 feet at first, but then finds that his friend and other recent victims appear to him, demanding that he find a way to die to release them from their curse, being trapped between worlds because of their unnatural death. The transformation from man to beast was the best special effects scene of the day.

7)Pet Sematary, Most Stephen King novels that get adapted for film are terrible, this one was excellent. The Creeds have just moved to a new house in the countryside. Their house is perfect, except for two things: the semi-trailers that roar past on the narrow road, and the mysterious cemetary in the woods behind the house. The Creed's neighbours are reluctant to talk about the cemetary, and for good reason too. The young kid turned bad is one of the creepier characters in movie history.

6)Friday the 13th 1-3, Ok I admit the most famous movie maniac of all time, Jason Voorhees is a joke now but when he debuted in 1980 for the first movie it was frightening, and for the first 3 movies he was huge. As far as I'm concerened the rest of the movies should be ignored.

The first movie is about a doomed kids camp (Camp Crystal Lake) that closed after a camper (Jason) dies and two counsellors are murdered. A couple of decades later the camp is reopened and the counsellors setting up the camp (and making out) are killed in many gruesome ways. Has Jason come back? Or is it his Mom?

The 2nd movie picks up where the first finishes, with the survivor of the first film who is quickly snuffed by the goalie mask-wearing undead villain. More counsellors, more nudity, more gore...

Originally filmed in 3-D, Friday the 13th Part 3 takes place on a farm where Jason takes out his aggression on a gang of bikers, more creative deaths and Jason dies in the end again, only to be resurrected for 6 more bad movies + 1 with Freddy Krueger from "A Nightmare on Elm Street"

5)Sixth Sense, The first major film for director/writer M Night Shamalyan (His friends call him Night) was a different kind of movie with a spooky vibe. The twist at the end caught me by surprise and was fantastic! Bruce Willis plays Malcolm Crowe, a Child psychiatrist who is confronted one night by former patient Vincent Gray who he failed to help. After Vincent shoots Crowe in the stomach and kills himself, Crowe can't stop thinking about it. A few months later he is hired to help a troubled boy named Cole Sear,(Haley Joel Osment) who has many of the same problems Vincent had. Crowe sees a chance to redeem himself, but doubts his ability to reach the boy, particularly when Cole claims to see ghosts who don't know they're dead.

4)Blair Witch Project, This film is one of those that you either loved or hated. I loved it and thought that the best part was the unknown. Anyone that's ever been lost in the woods knows how spooky it can be. There were some other neat things about this movie, it's documentary feel, it's low budget, and the fake 'truth' about the story. Three film students travel to Maryland to make a student film about a local urban legend... The Blair Witch. The three went into the woods on a two day hike to find the Blair Witch, and never came back. One year later, the students film and video was found in the woods. The footage was compiled and made into a movie. The Blair Witch Project.

3)The Thing, I watched this movie again recently and it still freaks me out. Kurt Russell displays his acting chops playing the role of a Helicopter pilot with an American scientific expedition to the frozen wastes of the Antarctic. the expedition is interrupted by a group of seemingly mad Norwegians pursuing and shooting a dog. The helicopter pursuing the dog crashes leaving no explanation for the chase. During the night, the dog mutates and attacks other dogs in the cage and members of the team that investigate. The team soon realises that an alien life-form with the ability to mutate and take over other bodies is on the loose and they don't know who may already have been taken over. The best special effects before the advent of digital.

2)28 Days Later, Filmed on a fairly low budget this film was hugely successful and depending on the ending you saw (they released two different versions in the theatre and three on DVD) There could be a sequel. A powerful virus escapes from a British research facility. Transmitted in a drop of blood and devastating within seconds, the virus locks those infected into a permanent state of murderous rage. Within 28 days the country is overwhelmed and a handful of survivors begin their attempts to salvage a future, little realising that the deadly virus is not the only thing that threatens them. In this film the 'zombies' are not undead so they actually can be killed by conventional means making for a more 'realistic' feel, if there is such a thing. One early scene in the film is amazing as they shut down and cleared out various sections of downtown London to make it look deserted.

1)Land of the Dead, One of a long line of legendary Zombie master George A Romero's 'dead' films, the latest is my favourite. Big budget, with a much more serious tone, this movie with legitimate actors like Ving Rhames, Sarah Polley and the legendary Dennis Hopper is a new take on the standard zombie film. In this installment, the world is full of zombies and the survivors have barricaded themselves inside a walled city to keep out the living dead. As the wealthy hide out in skyscrapers and chaos rules the streets, the rest of the survivors must find a way to stop the evolving zombies from breaking into the city. Some interesting features add even more fun if you get the DVD and it was successful enough that a sequel is in the works! What can I say...I love zombie flicks.

There you have it, my top 10 favourite horror movies. As far as I'm concerned, nothing beats a good horror flick with zombie movies being the best! I hope you've enjoyed my top 10 list and I have ideas for many more but I always look forward to input from you so if you have an idea for a list or anything else, let me know, I'll even give you credit. Check in tomorrow for my CFL week 3 predictions (hopefully I can pick at least one right!)

Until next time remember, no Payne no gain!

Blogger Buffet - Random Rants

As the Government grinds to a halt after a solid 4 months of work I thought I'd take this opportunity to rant about a few things that I've noticed. Some intrigue me, some annoy me and some I find fascinating. Today I am all over the map, UFC, Paparazzi, celebrity dish, CFL predictions, NASA and more. Enjoy!

• Celebrities and paparazzi - So Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman got married recently and are now jetting to a provate resort for their honeymoon. There is a lot of secrecy involved since they want to avoid the paparazzi and that sucks. I can't believe how much people care about what Angelina is dressing her baby in, or who Paris Hilton is with or how bad a Mom Britney Spears is. I think there needs to be a law against the paparazzi or at the very least a season in which they may be hunted for sport. Call it population control for an annoying pest.
• UFC 61 Pay Per View and more... - The finale of The Ultimate Fighter Season 3 wrapped up with some exciting fights on Saturday and Wednesday we get more fights on Spike TV followed closely by the big Pay Per View on the 8th of July. Mixed Martial Arts is a fast rising sport and every event the UFC puts on is more popular than the last. The main event in the next PPV is Tito Ortiz vs Ken Shamrock and the more I think about it the more excited I get. These guys HATE each other, and I mean HATE! Think Rocket Richard/Ted Lindsay or Roger Clemens/Mike Piazza or even Road Runner/Wile E Coyote. This will be the best PPV yet.
• Canadian Members of Parliament get 20% 'cost of living' raise - Are you S***ting me?! 20%?! That means approx 24,000 bucks a year and that isn't even there salary. I wish I could get that kind of a raise. I remember one year getting a raise of .6%...not 6%, .6% how cheap is that? not even a whole percent! Next election can we vote them all out of office?
• My skill at predicting the outcome of sporting events - As some of you remember my NHL playoff predictions were less than stellar with me getting out-guessed by a coin and a primate. Well in week 1 of the CFL I was 3 of 4, and I managed perfection for week 2...0 of 4, that's right, 4 games and I picked every one wrong! Ugh, stay tuned Friday when I pick again.
• Rush Limbaugh, Naomi Campbell and Axl Rose - Sounds like the start of a good joke but the only funny thing here is how little any of the following stories surprised anyone. Rush Limbaugh got caught with drugs that weren't prescribed to him, Naomi Campbell beat another servant (this time because she couldn't find her jeans) and Axl Rose was loaded (surprise) and attacked and bit a hotel security guard in Sweden. The funniest thing out of all of this is that the drugs Rush was caught with were Viagra! Maybe he should try Trimspa instead...
• NHL DRAFT/Big Trades - I always enjoy the draft but this year I had no real interest in who went where (unlike last year with the Crosby sweepstakes) I just wanted to see if there were any trades. The biggest story was the day before the draft when Vancouver unloaded the sulking hulk Todd Bertuzzi (Steve Moore Sucks...just needed to say that) and got Roberto Luongo. The next biggest story of course was Edmonton fan favourite Chris Pronger asking out of Alberta much to the dismay of the fans. I'm not saying Pronger's whipped, but- Ok I am saying he's whipped.
• World Cup 2nd round - Now it gets interesting, a few upsets, the Americans went home early and the Brazilians look unstoppable. Some highlight reel goals have made it interesting and those fans are NUTS! Soon we will be down to 8. Go England! Hey they're the only team with a Canadian (Owen Hargreaves).

Finally before I go a happy 30th Birthday to the world tallest free standing structure, the CN Tower in Toronto. Ontario's largest over-compensation was expected to be the tallest for about 8 years but still holds the title. I have been a few times and it's worth the price of admission. Check back tomorrow for the newest feature, my Payneful Top 10 List. Until next time remember, no Payne no Gain!

Bonehead of the Week #5 - Jose Theodore

Ok maybe Jose Theodore has a full head of fabulous hair but clearly the empty vessel it covers is incapable of rational thought.

Now I can see what Paris and Jose have in common as they seem to have a lot of trouble protecting the fivehole. My problem is that if you are going to step out on your wife, why would you do it with someone that is followed by an army of paparazzi? Well at least Jose did it in a discreet

location...The Muchmusic Video Awards in downtown Toronto. To make matters worse, Jose was back in Canada with his girlfriend Stephanie Cloutier to finally take their premature baby home after months in the neonatal ward. After finding out Stephanie has since kicked him to the curb.

This isn't the first publicized problem Theodore has had either. He has been spotted partying with members of a notorious bike gang. His Dad and brothers were busted for operating a loan sharking ring, and most recently he tested positive for the hair growth drug Propecia which is a known masking agent for steroids.

Jose has quickly become the biggest disappointment in the NHL since the glow puck. One can only wonder what Stupid thing Theodore does next. Who knows maybe we will see Paris doing the next season of the Simple Life in dressing rooms throughout the league. For being a baldness cure taking, Paris Hilton victim with declining hockey skills I present the 5th BOTW award to Jose Theodore.

CFL Week 2 picks - Fast and Furious

Not much time....must, get picks in. Weekend approaching. Here goes

Tor at Wpg - Kevin Glenn....enough said Toronto wins by however many mistakes Glenn makes Tor 27 Wpg 14


Als at Ticats - Hamilton should have won last week, but WILL win this week. Maas gets his first win against a slowly declining Al's squad.

Stamps at Eskimos - Close one but Calgary is improving while the Eskies are looking more lost than Paris Hilton at a Mensa conference. Stamps Win 21 - 17 .

Lions at Riders - I gotta say, nothing gives me more joy than spending quality time with my family...except maybe watching the Riders lose to BC. Unlike some bandwagon Rider fans though I actually think the Green horde is a lot better than they are given credit for. This team will be fighting for 1st in the west in October...Unfortunately they will be 0-2 in June as for now Dickenson is firing at will against a confused Riders D. A bit of a shootout, BC 36 Sask 24

Just a side note from a non-Rider fan...Mosaic Field is wrong. Taylor field strikes fear (ok more like slight irritation) into visiting teams and it just sounds better. Therefore I will continue to refer to the stadium as I always have...The stadium that time forgot.

Don't forget Bonehead of the Week tomorrow! Until next time NPNG.

Air Miles - Quick Observation

How many "Rewards Cards" do you have in your wallet? Y'know, Petro Points, Shoppers Optimum, Club Z etc. I used to have so many that my wallet resembled a Big Mac in thickness. I got rid of them faster than Liz Taylor dumps husbands except for my trusty Air Miles card. Now I have never actually used my Air Miles card to get Airline tickets, but I do use mine for fuel vouchers, and I also use it for movie tickets.

Now to collect the points I use my card mostly at Shell gas stations, and Safeway, but here is the thing that bothers me; When the check out person scans my card they always feel the need to read the name on the card. The problem is, it's my wife's card with her maiden name on it but they have to make me feel 'special.' You know what would make me feel more special? Lowering the prices or giving me free stuff, not calling me by the wrong name.

Now why can't I get reward cards that I can really use, like say, one for parking/speeding tickets...get 3 tickets and your fourth one is free. Or maybe a reward card from my wife that lets me have one day of videogames, and sports shows for every 5 backrubs I give. Could you imagine the popularity of a rewards program that allows you 1 month without paying rent for every 5 months you pay in advance. Oh well until then remember, no Payne no gain.

Finally, Canadian Government Will Invest in Military

Prime Minister Stephen Harper is about to go on tour across the country in a piece by piece announcement on military spending. For the first time in decades our government will finally replace some of our aging equipment. The bill is hefty, over 15 billion Dollars, (that's almost Dr Evil type money) but believe it or not it still may not be enough. It is however a great start, so let's break it down.

• 4.6 billion dollars will be used to buy a replacement for our medium lift Hercules transport fleet. These aircraft have been in service since the 60's and much like the Sea-King Helicopters, are becoming maintenance intensive. These aircraft not only transport troops and supplies but also do air to air refuelling and Search and Rescue all over Canada. The hours these aircraft have put on their frames are staggering. Recently one of the aircraft in the fleet passed the 50,000 hour mark. That is actually hours in the air. If you convert that to days it equals 2083+ days or just under 6 years! How long do you drive your car for before you get a new one? This is long, long overdue.
• 4.2 billion dollars for 15 medium - heavy lift helicopters. We had this capability with our Chinook helicopters until they were sold off in 1991 to the Dutch, who are still using them effectively. Ironically it was American Chinook's that ferried our troops in Afghanistan because we lost that ability.
• 3 billion dollars to buy 4 heavy lift C-17 aircraft. Currently we have no heavy lift capacity, meaning Canada has to mooch off of our allies who are already heavily tasked or lease or rent aircraft when available. To put this into perspective, let's say you are a soldier that needs to get to a village to protect it. Well think of a heavy lift aircraft like a taxi, and imagine you have to wait for a taxi to show up before you can go, then you have to pay premium prices for the service. Wouldn't it be better to have your own car? That's why we need these aircraft.
• 2.1 billion for 3 new supply ships. We used to have 3 supply ships, HMCS PROTECTEUR, HMCS PRESERVER and HMCS PROVIDER, which was 'paid off' (retired) in 1988. Since then we have been reduced to 1 per coast, which would be fine, except, when the ship goes in for refit it is out of service for weeks or even months leaving one of the coasts with ZERO. These ships provide fuel and supplies to Canadian and allied forces as well as delivery of humanitarian aid to spots around the globe. It is a vital capacity that needs to be replaced as the 2 remaining ships were commissioned in the 60's. (Do you see a trend here?)
• Finally new trucks for the army at a cost of 1.1 billion. As we see every day the troops need protection from Improvised Explosive Devices (IED's) and other threats. It wasn't so long ago that our soldiers were driving Iltiss's which are basically an oversized go-kart, or undersized Jeep depending on your perspective. Picture a Suzuki Swift with a canvas top and you get the idea.

I have ranted continuously about why we need to strengthen our military, but if you look left...waaaaaay left, over by Jack Layton there, you may see some people that claim this money would be better spent elsewhere...I say those people are nuttier than squirrel droppings. Our government has underfunded the military for decades, (The 60's was the last time we made any serious investments as seen above) and this capital investment is long overdue. If anyone would like to try and argue with me about this spending, my email is listed at the top of the page.

So until tomorrow remember, no Payne no gain.

Could You BE More Annoying?!

Have you ever watched TV and thought that you would love to strangle a particular celebrity, News Anchor or talk show host? It happens to me all the time so I decided to blog about it.

Initially I was going to make it a top 5 list, then it mushroomed to a top 10 and ultimately I ended up with a huge list and had difficulty ranking it so now it's just going to be random (much like my usual thought processes) and selective. If I did the whole list, it would take up more space than Kirstie Alley.

Recently fired CBC broadcaster Brian Williams is right up there with his annoying style and the way he speaks out the side of his mouth. Have you ever noticed when he talks on set he always leans on 1 elbow with the other arm stretched out? I want to push him off his chair and slap his mouth back straight.

Another sports guy that annoys me is Mike Toth from Sportsnet. He is the biggest geek in sports and I can't believe this guy used to be a decent enough goalie to warrant a tryout with the Medicine Hat Tigers. Maybe the real reason he didn't make it was because he was too annoying. He makes the stupidest jokes and has the greasiness of a used car salesman. This one goes deeper though. When he was with TSN in the mid 90's he once interviewed me in between plays at a Bombers Game. When he discovered I wasn't one of the group he was trying to interview he insulted me. He held it together for the interview and patted me on the back with the big fake smile at the end; "Back to you guys..." but as soon as we were clear he threw his mic and stomped off cursing. I wish I would have picked up the mic and returned it to him painfully.

I am not exclusively annoyed by sports guys either. Have you ever seen that show on CNBC I think called "Mad Money" - with Jim Cramer? I know business and finance are not exactly exciting subjects but trying this hard to make it interesting is ridiculous! The show is so contrived and over the top. The guy has more sound effects than an FM morning show and his stupid 'Booyah!' battle cry is an eye-roller. This guy needs deodorant, prozac and a straight jacket. A muzzle might not be a bad idea either.

This next guy thankfully has retired from the airwaves after around a decade of pompous condescension and blatant know-it-allism (I think I invented a word). 2005 marked the end for everyone's most hated neighbour, and Canadian version of Ned Flanders, that's right...THE CANADIAN TIRE GUY. Him and his snotty wife had every gadget you could dream of, and always seemed to pull it out right when someone had a problem. Thankfully they have been canned and we don't have to watch them anymore, although I did always want that fancy solar panel battery charger thingy. (Remember, I'm not a tool guy)

Some of us need to lose weight, (I have dropped from 235 to 204 over the last few months, so now my front bum is gone) and will do anything to shed the pounds. Diets, weight loss pills, going to the gym etc. One of the more popular ideas is to have some exercise equipment at home, many of which are showcased during infomercials scattered across the airwaves. The most popular seems to be BOWFLEX tm which I am sure is a fine machine. I don't even mind most of their ads. Nothing wrong with a hot girl with a nice frame sweating while barely dressed on your TV screen, and for the ladies there are the shirtless guys. One series of ads inspires me to destroy my TV though. You know which one I'm talking about, the 50 yr old BOWFLEX grandmother who has a face like a leather handbag. In her latest commercial she has a big fake smile on her surgically altered face as she exclaims with glee; "I'm actually 51!" AAAAAAARGH! So if I use BOWFLEX does that mean that I too will not only have a chiselled frame but a nasty face? I'd rather be fat and handsome. I wonder if she will be doing these commercials at 71 and scaring children with the mask that passes for her face.

There are so many others I can't stand and I wonder how many have also made your lists;

Paris Hilton - Fur-wearing, quasi-animal activist, rich, amateur porn starring socailite and free stuff moocher who once urged people to vote while not actually registered to vote herself.

Star Jones - Wig wearing, pompous media whore who had product placement sponsorships at her wedding. I hope Rosie O'Donnell beats the crap out of her on the first day that she joins "The View"

Travelocity's 'Roaming Gnome' - I am confident that Travelocity is a decent service but the Gnome needs to be buried out in the garden. It's at the point now where I actually get jumpy around gnomes expecting them to start offering unsolicited advice to me which would be yet another sign of mental illness.

Two other mascot/spokespeople that drive me nuts are the guy from the Slim Jim's commercials and of course that big-shoed walking fashion crime, Ronald McDonald...That guy is creepy in a Pee Wee Herman in a darkened theatre kind of way.

Hollywood has many, like Julia Roberts (Her mouth is large enough to use as a garage), Wynona Ryder (check her coat when she leaves the store) and Tom "My 15 minutes of fame was over 10 years ago but I can't let go" Green, What was Drew Barrymore thinking anyway?

Don't even get me started on the Baldwin's or Arquette's. In any case I better quit before I start naming politicians or I'll be here until Jack Layton becomes Prime Minister... Ha ha ha I'm only kidding no one would be stupid enough to vote NDP (except maybe Manitoba). Until next time remember, no Payne no gain.

Hell's Kitchen's Gordon Ramsay

As a man it is our job to know stuff about cars and tools. It's the guy code. Unfortunately, I never got the memo, so I will never be able to fix my car if it needs work. I also don't know how to operate a router, a miter (mitre?) or do any sand-blasting. If you need kitchen cabinets made or someone to help you put up drywall, I'm sorry but I can't help you there either. I am ashamed to say it but my wife knows more about that kind of stuff than me.

Obviously then I have no interest in shows about racing, or fixing cars or home renovations, (though I'm told Holmes on Homes is quite good). I don't even watch NASCAR. in fact Speedvision and HGTV are channels I try not to watch unless I can't find the remote, after all, the TV is waaaay over there.

One channel I do love however is the Food Network. As some of you may know I am a picky eater so why would I like shows that showcase stuff I wouldn't eat on a bet? The short answer is; "I dunno..." I do enjoy cooking and find these shows very, shall we say, appetizing? It's not just that channel, but any channel that has cooking shows. If it needs to be basted, broiled or baked I wanna watch it.

There are lots of good shows, Chef at Large, License to grill and one of the best, Iron Chef! (the translations are so funny and I love the Chairman) Lots of personalities are responsible for the success of these shows, like Christine Cushing, Nigella Lawson and Jamie Oliver but the best, most fierce and entertaining chef of them all is angry Brit, Gordon Ramsay.

Last year I was channel surfing when I caught Ramsay in the middle of a profanity-laced-tirade at a contestant and dropping F-bombs like Courtney Love. I was hooked. The show was called "Hell's Kitchen" and featured contestants facing off in various challenges as well as nightly service in a fairly upscale restaurant with dual kitchens. What set this show apart from other reality shows was the fact that Ramsay had a short temper and didn't care who heard what he had to say. Imagine Jeff Probst from Survivor saying, "Shut your f***ing face and do the challenge you p***y!" to one of the contestants. It would never happen. Or Meredith Vierra on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire telling someone to "Hurry up and answer the d*** question" and you will have some idea about Ramsay.

This guy knows how to cook, he knows how to run a restaurant, and he knows when someone is being lazy. He also has no sympathy or patience. He says out loud what most of us scream at the TV or wish we had the parts to say when we are in those uncomfortable situations. His glare is worse than Charles Manson's and he looks like he could get all Chuck Norris on you if you pushed him too far. All he is missing is the eye twitch and he could pass for a younger British version of Clint Eastwood.

Every week someone is swearing at him, or crying, or quitting and just when you think no one will ever satisfy him, he relents and actually tells them what a good f***ing job they're doing. The winner of last years show didn't even take the grand prize as Ramsay, who is actually a pretty nice and funny guy, when you don't annoy him, offered the guy an even sweeter prize, The chance to work for Ramsay for a year at one of his restaurants in the UK.

Just when it seemed the guy couldn't get anymore exposure he ends up with another successful show on Food Network; Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, where he spends a week helping out a failing restaurant. I have only seen one episode, but the guy is awesome. Was he gruff and constantly swearing? Yes, but he also genuinely cared about the restaurant and the owner and offered encouragement along with the harsh words. He gave advice, made suggestions and spoke frankly about how to be successful in the restaurant business. "...Because the way you're going now just won't f***ing cut it."

Not only did the restaurant turn things around but it is thriving as we see when Ramsay returns two months later to check up on them. The show is great because we see a lot more of his funny side. The guy is hilarious and obviously from the reaction of the people he is helping, is genuinely adored by them for his expert guidance.

So next time you are depressed because you don't know why your car is making that funny sound, or you can't figure out how to locate a stud to attach your new Ikea shelf too, Stop. Put the tools down and ignore the problem, (that's what I do with strange noises from my vehicle) it will fix itself I'm sure. Instead, grab a cold drink and flip through the channels and see if you can find one of Ramsay's shows. It'll be a Hell of a good time.

Until next time remember, no Payne no gain!

NHL PLAYOFFS Live Blog CAROLINA WINS THE CUP

THIRD PERIOD

Wow just before I had anything to type Edmonton scored an ugly one as an injured Peca struggled to the bench. 3 whacks at it but it went in. WOO HOO 2-1

The Oilers have some jump but the crowd is still in it. Another chance this time by Dvorak, and another.

Could this be the TSN turning point? I am having flashbacks to 94. Vancouver was down 3-1 to the Rangers and took it to 7. then game 7 went 1-0, 2-0 then 2-1 for the Rangers. That ended 3-2 for the Blue shirts…how will this end? By the Way Lowe and Mac T were on that 94 team.

Nice block by Smith after a fall by Pisani. Phew! Close one.

Back and forth, I think my heart will stop soon. I am trying to multi-task and am failing miserably. I am also talking to my Dad on Yahoo Messenger and we are arguing about sportscaster Don Taylor, I like him and my Dad hates him.

Phil Pritchard is rubbing his cup…Ok that’s not what I meant. He is prepping the Stanley Cup for presentation. White gloves, cloth etc. I want his job.

Carolina almost scores, how did Jussi stop it?

10 minutes left, could we see overtime? Ok very late Bold prediction, Next goal wins!

Brilliant chance hits someone in front of the Edmonton net. Lots of pressure by the Canes, now the crowd boos some phantom call.

Oilers with a couple of great chances but nope. Penalty to Hedican and lots of movement by the Oilers. Why don’t they fake a shot and walk around.

Almost offside, a few chances but nothing great. Penalty is over 5 minutes left, I hate the stress.

UNBELIEVABLE SAVE by Ward on a cross crease rebound. This kid is unreal! I hate him now.

Smyth is mad about something, play continues.

Timeout Edmonton

Under 3 minutes to go…

Oilers need to move their feet, under two minutes to play. Good chance shot misses, story of the game for Edmonton. Out comes Markkanen then play is stopped with a high stick.

1:14 left and the Canes call a timeout. I am afraid it’s over. Wesley will get his hands on the cup after 1400 games.

Here we go with the faceoff deep in Carolina’s end and Staal wins it.

Empty net, it’s over. 3-1 with under a minute to go.

Markkanen stays out and the Oilers don’t give up.

Some scraps now and Bob Cole talking about how great both teams are….Woe Canada.

Eww Hartford is going to win the cup. Now only the Jets have yet to win acup after coming over from the WHA….ouch sorry Jets fans, didn’t mean to rub salt in the wounds.

Carolina wins the Cup.

I can’t wait for the draft and the new chance for my team (Vancouver) and all your teams to once again chase Lord Stanley’s Mug. Now I am going to bed.

NHL PLAYOFFS Live Blog - Game 7 - 2nd Intermission

SECOND INTERMISSION

This Carolina broadcaster sounds like Gilbert Godfried and looks like a geekier Greg Frers (CFL on CBC) but seems to know what he is talking about. Trip Tracy? What kind of name is that? Did his Dad think it up after falling down some stairs?

The intermission is a blur, I find it hard to concentrate as I feel the Oilers loss coming. I feel like the ‘damsel in distress’ tied to the railway tracks with the train coming. I wish the Oilers would score.

Superman Returns trailer plays twice….Tough guy but looks like a pansy. He needs to fix the hair and put on leather and lose the tights.

I can’t believe the last period of the 05/06 season is about to start….talk to you later.

NHL PLAYOFFS Live Blog - game 7 - 2nd period

Game 7 blog

SECOND PERIOD

Two great short-handed chances early for the Oilers, Ward was sharp on both. Oilers kill the penalty and have the edge in play to start the period.

AMAZING SAVE by Markannen! Carolina is looking desperate, in a good way.

Off the faceoff the Canes get the puck to Kaberle and he walks in untouched and BLASTS it in after it deflects off Jason Smith. 2-0 Carolina. I am starting to feel dread.

What’s with Harry Neale’s soliloquy’s? What is this guy Shakespeare in his old age?

Great trailer for the new movie “You, Me and Dupree” with Owen Wilson and Matt Dillon. Should be good.

Again Neale with some saying about a farmer milking cows….Has he finally lost his mind?

Carolina almost scores again, man are they hitting lots!

Not a lot of stoppages, this game is going fast.

Does anyone else hate Glen Wesley? How ugly is Brind’Amour?

Best chance yet for the Oilers but Smyth makes a bad pass, and just as I typed that the Oilers got another chance.

I was in the can for 2 minutes, when I went to the can the play was in Edmonton’s end, when I got back it was in Edmonton’s end…this isn’t good. Markannen almost blows it again.

Oh a few chances for Edmonton but Ward says No!

Frantic back and forth action, this is the best hockey yet. Carolina takes a penalty late in the second…obviously the Oilers need to score soon.

Stupid over the glass penalty, but it gives the Oilers a 5 on 3 for almost two minutes….they Have to score just for the momentum shift.

Too many chances and the only shot goes wide, now Smyth takes a penalty and it’s a 4 on 3 now. One good chance now 20 seconds left and Ward covers.

Carolina kills it and now they go on a power play to close out the second. Needless to say the Oilers can’t let a goal in or it is definitely over.

Two back to back chances for the Canes, but they stay out. Time winds down and I hear the fat lady warming up.

NHL PLAYOFFS - Game 7 - 1st intermission

Game 7 blog

First intermission

The last Coach’s Corner of the year, let’s hope it’s a good one. Grape’s reminds MacLean that he was a coach of the year, twice, and then shows a replay of the almost goal at the end of the 1st.

Now he is reminding kids to wear big gloves, be careful shot blocking and to keep their sticks on the ice.

Blowing smoke over Cam Ward…yah yah he’s a good kid, I get it. Annual rant to kids to stay home unless they are 1st or 2nd round prospects at the NHL draft.

Grapes does the sales pitch for hats that support the troops. Cherry loves the troops like their his own kids, and they love him right back.

More interviews….boring, A quick story about Gretzky and the Conn Smythe trophy. Man was it that long ago? I feel old.

Back to the action….

NHL PLAYOFFS - Live blog game 7 - 1st Period

Game 7 blog

Opening sequence rocks, very emotional, the song ‘Savin me’ by Nickelback is the soundtrack to the opening and all the clips get the juices flowing. I can’t believe we waited two years for another cup win….Man I love hockey!

Hrudey and MacLean break down the game and all I can think is that Hrudey is a way better commentator than he ever was as a goalie. The usual player interviews and the usual cliché’s but I don’t care, start the GAME!

“Still the one” montage features more Oilers hi-lites and some crazy fan stuff. Not bad, makes you tap your foot.

Grapes does the game opening, great suit! Now the crowd is roaring and the players are stepping onto the ice….I have chills!

Anthems – Oh man! You can hear the Canadians singing the anthem, not bad when you think about how few Canadians are there. Now the Yank’s are doing it louder, but there’s more of them and it was our idea.

FIRST PERIOD

Wow 90 seconds and the Canes score after being all over the Oilers for most of it. The crowd is even louder.

Carolina has a slight edge in play but Edmonton still seems poised and patient.

Staal takes out Jussi and we have the first power play of the game.

Edmonton has some decent puck movement but no really good chances. Carolina kills it and the crowd is still right in it.

Halfway through the period and the Oilers seem to waking up a little bit. Cole whines about a high stick and now Spacek takes a questionable penalty…hold on shot blockers!
A couple of chances but basically a great kill by Edmonton.

Some bad play in the Oiler end but the Canes can’t do anything with it. Just watched a commercial for some job finding website, “What do you like to do” they ask a guy and he says he likes to work with this hands. For the record I enjoy napping, do you think there is a job out there for me?

The play seems to be in the Oiler end a lot, how many chances can the Canes get before they score again. The Oilers need a goal or something to get the momentum.

Some real back and forth now, 3 minutes left. Another stupid penalty, the Canes get to finish the period on the power play. Less of a good PK more of a bad Power play.
Just as the penalty ends another one is called for high sticking but then the Canes score, or do they? Now there is a penalty shot, or is there? I haven’t been this confused since I watched “The Crying Game”

Now the Ref is on the phone, but I don’t think he is making reservations. Lots of guys in the booth, Kris King, Colin Campbell, Mike Murphy and others. I wonder if they have nachos...I want nachos.

Ok no goal and another penalty for the Oilers, nothing happens in the last 4 seconds so it's on to Coach's Corner and the first intermission...stay tuned.

Blogger Buffet - Hope You're Hungry!

Some of you may have noticed that there was no blog Friday. I actually did write a fairly lengthy one about The Ultimate Fighter Season 3 that was around 700 words, unfortunately ******* Blogger crashed and took my post with it just as I went to publish so I moped. To sum up my post it went something like; "Excellent two hour special, good fights, childish behaviour, can't wait for the final yadda yadda yadda..." I can't believe the post is gone forever. Oh well time to move on.

THE ULTIMATE FIGHTER SEASON 3 - Middleweights Kendall Grove and Ed Herman will throw down and provide a good fight but Grove has problems defending and 'Short Fuse' Herman is probably the best fighter on the show. Herman by ref stoppage.
Light Heavywieghts - Josh (Blue Haired Crybaby) Haynes faces Brit, Michael Bisping for the 6 figure contract. It's unfortunate that the hearing impaired Matt Hamill wasn't able to get to the final as I think he may have been the champ, He will be back though and will tear up the division. Josh Haynes can definitely take a punch and never quits but Bisping is to technically sound to stop. Bisping by decision...I bet Haynes cries again too.

NHL PLAYOFFS - Ok I am going to say it for the third consecutive time. The Oilers will finally run out of gas tonight and fall heart-breakingly short of the cup. No team (except the 42 Leafs) has come back from this far to win it all. No 8th seeded team has won the cup. Only 1 out of 29 teams has come back from down 2-0 to win, and finally, no team since the 71 Canadiens has won game 7 on the other teams ice. Add it all up and it equals a Cup victory in Carolina. Sorry folks but you knew it was coming.

CFL FOOTBALL WEEK ONE - I predicted 3 out of 4 games correctly and actually got the score right in the Montreal Winnipeg game. My Sask buddies both predicted the Lions would lose (see the Game Day link at right for their site) and they couldn't have been more wrong. I am now going to stop and gloat for a minute...hold on still gloating...almost finished....one last condescending smile aaaaand, Done. Dave Dickenson is still healthy and the Lions are better and faster than last year. stay tuned for week 2 picks later in the week.

MOVIES - Lots of movies coming out now and there are a lot of good ones to choose from. Over the Hedge, Cars, Superman Returns, Click, Miami Vice, Nacho Libre are all good flicks but the one I can't wait for is Casino Royale with the Debut of Daniel Craig as the new James Bond. The movie will apparently be about how Bond becomes a 00 agent, which of course is part of the current trend of 'beginning' movies. Batman Begins, Star Wars ep I - III, etc. It should be great!

RED RIVER EXHIBITION - After a few years of not going, I finally took the kids to the Ex on the weekend and what an awesome time! Yes the line-ups are long and the prices are ridiculous, but to see the looks on the kids faces was priceless. All those crazy rides made for some great screams. I went on one ride that was up and down, very frightening, and filled with danger...oh wait, no that was the drive to the Ex on our lovely Winnipeg roads. I think my favourite ride was the roller coaster with logs that went flying down into the water and got everyone soaked. Speaking of soaked, I paid for a PILE of midway games but didn't come away with much. I would love to have one booth for a day just to see the profits I'd make. The important thing is I got a bag of mini-donuts, and that is what life is all about!

WORLD CUP - Well it only took 10 days for me to get sick of the World Cup. I reeeeeally wanted to like it but it just BORES me so! Maybe I will enjoy it when the finals go on the 9th of July but right now, zzzzzzzzzzzzz. I don't know what's more boring, World Cup Games, or interviews with Gary Bettman.

FATHER'S DAY - The best Father's Day present ever is just having kids. Seriously, no gift is better than a hug from your kid. Just my humble opinion, too bad my Dad lives 2500+ km's away. For all you single guys that think that you don't want kids. You don't know what you're missing. Being a Dad is waaaaaaaaaaaay better than not being a Dad.

There you have it. All caught up on the random thoughts floating around my vacuous cranial foot locker. Check in tomorrow to read about the 13th consecutive NHL season without a Canadian team raising the cup. Until next time remember, no Payne no gain.

Bonehead of the Week #4

This week was a tough week with many contenders; To my friend Sean in Ontario, who was nominated by his wife for needing surgery to repair a foot that he attacked with a mixer blade while preparing girlie drinks. Stick to beer dude.

Another nominee, this one for lifetime achievement, was James McCarron who has a squeaky plastic knuckle to replace the original that he broke on the helmet of a fellow hockey player. His accompishments are too numerous to mention.

Both of these garnered a lot of attention but unfortunately we found someone so boneheaded that we had to award it to the guy. The winner is in fact a big Dick...

For his baseless accusations and Don Quixote like crusade on behalf of the World Anti Doping Agency (WADA) The BOTW goes to Dick Pound.

Dick Pound, you may remember, was the main guy for Canada at the International Olympic Committee (IOC) and nearly succeeded Juan Antonio Samaranch as President. He lost and ended up with WADA where he has gone insane. He has said that as many as 2/3 of NHL players were likely on drugs based on absolutely zero evidence. But what finally got him the BOTW award was after all 1400+ steroid tests from the NHL came back clear he decided that the results didn't mean anything and therefore, in his mind, the NHL still had drug problems.

This guy is losing his grip on reality faster than Elizabeth Taylor and needs to take a few tests himself.

Congratulations 'Big' Dick Pound for being BOTW #4!

CFL Week One Picks

The Canadian Football League Season is about to start and I am more excited about it than Darryl Hannah in a California garden. The loss of the Ottawa Renegades was a shame but likely will offer a better product and a balanced schedule. The expansion draft ensured a little more parity than this year and for the second year in a row Khari Jones gets cut by the Eskies in training camp.

Without further adieu lets get to my picks for week 1;

WINNIPEG AT MONTREAL - The Alouettes are definitely on the down slope after so many years of success but with Calvillo around they still have a better shot than Winnipeg. The Blue Bombers seem to be improved over last year especially on defence but there are still a lot of holes. Quick! Name Winnipeg's starting QB....It's ok I don't think Bombers Head coach Doug Berry can either. For the record it's Kevin Glenn and every time I see him all I can think of is that Khari Jones is available. MONTREAL 27 - WINNIPEG 17

EDMONTON AT CALGARY - Edmonton fluked their way to the Grey Cup last year and without Jason Maas to bail out Ricky Ray I think the Eskimos 30+ year streak of playoff appearances is finally over. Calgary has improved in many areas and will own the Eskies this year. CALGARY 35 - EDMONTON 21

HAMILTON AT TORONTO - Damon Allen is a freak of nature but when healthy 'Grandpa' can still single-handedly decide the outcome. Ricky WIlliams will make his over-hyped debut but will finish behind Allen for rushing yards (mark my words). Hamilton is going to be the most improved team this year with Jason Maas at QB and their D is the real deal. Nothing brings me more joy than seeing disgruntled Argos fans...Although with Ricky Williams there might be more than 75 this year. HAMILTON 27 - TORONTO 21

SASKATCHEWAN AT BC - This will be the game of the week and with 3 games in the first 5 weeks this might be the rivalry of note in the west (forget the banjo bowl Winnipeg). Without Casey Printers and the rest of the negative influences this team had last year they should be a lot better. They won't go 11-0 to start nor will they end 0-7. Wally is one of the best coaches out there and with a genuine kicker (McCallum) replacing the crazy Leprechaun (O'Mahony) the Lions may actually win the close ones for a change. Saskatchewan will push the tabbies for most improved team this year and are a contender for the first time in years. They have an excellent record against the Lions, especially in the giant airbag on the left coast. I don't think they have it in them to win against a newly focused Lions Squad however, especially since the revamped O Line will ensure that Dickenson has time to make the Riders D look like the Bombers D. Game of the week and a close one but...BC 34 - SASK 28

This season should be fantastic and Friday Night Football on TSN has quickly become one of the best shows out there, and I can't wait to watch! Have a great football weekend.

Lucky Loonie Trick Getting Old

Everyone remembers Salt Lake City during the 2002 Winter Olympics. It was a classic for Canada, specifically our Men's and Women's hockey teams. Buried at centre ice was a 'lucky loonie' that went on to become a legend when both our teams struck gold. The coin itself even ended up in the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto. It may have been a mere dollar but it's worth couldn't be measured to the country and for weeks people were still talking about it.

As with anything successful though, it spawned copycats. While it was special the first time, now it is just old and lame, and last night's NHL playoff game in Carolina is proof of that.

The zamboni driver in Carolina decided to bury a US silver dollar at centre ice in Carolina but Edmonton Oiler Ryan Smyth dug it out and tossed it. Another one was put back in after the Oilers left the ice, but the Oilers won the psychological war and ended up winning the game. Was it because of the coin? NO! The coin thing is so lame now, clearly it doesn't work anymore. Here are some of the many lame attempts to copy the Lucky Loonie;

-TENNIS - Canada put a loonie under the court for the Davis Cup in 2002. We didn't win.

-RUGBY - Canada buried one in the turf in Melbourne, Australia during the 2003 Rugby World Cup...We didn't win that either.

-BASEBALL - Someone put loonies in the St Louis Cardinals Dugout during the World Series and how did that work out for Canadian Larry Walker? Swept by the Bo Sox.

-OLYMPICS - In Athens the loonie was buried all over the place but it certainly didn't guarantee victory. So so results at best in 2004.

-CROQUET - I even buried a loonie in my back yard in 2002 to ensure my victory over my neighbour and all it got me was a sprained ankle when I stepped on a ball.

The bottom line is that unless you are a pirate, you need to forget about buried coins. All that a buried coin guarantees, is that if you forget where you put it, you will be down a dollar.

For those of you die-hard Oiler fans out there, no amount of lucky coinage will save your team. Only one team has come back from being so far down to actually win the cup and that was the 1942 Toronto Maple Leafs. The Oilers got lucky in game 5 but will lose a close one back in Edmonton. Mark my words. Feel free to bury as many loonies as you want though.

Until next time remember, no Payne no gain!

Blogger Buffet - Just an Appetizer

Excuse me if this post seems unorganized and random, but then I am unorganized and random.

-STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS - Nice run while it lasted but I am afraid the clock will strike midnight for the Cinderella Oilers this evening. The series was actually over the minute Roloson was hurt.

-NATIVE PROTESTS - Now it seems things have gone so well in Caledonia that Manitoba First Nations personnel are planning on blocking Manitoba railways to ensure their 'cause' is heard...Gimme a break!

-CFL FOOTBALL - The new season is about to start without the Ottawa franchise. A lot more parity this year and the CFL debut of Ricky Williams for the Argos. The Roughriders will be much improved and the Bombers will still suck but we can find out the truth on Friday when the season opens. Go Lions!

-WORLD CUP - Apparently the US Team isn't the only thing that sucks in Germany this year as it is reported that over 40,000 prostitutes are said to have arrived in the country to, ummm....bolster international relations.

-COMPUTER PROBLEMS - Is there anything more frustrating than having computer problems? Who writes error messages anyway? All I know is that I never feel more stupid than when my computer stops working and gives me error messages that are more difficult to understand than Snoop Dogg.

***Interesting note - I have receieved a couple of comments on my blog from as far away as the Southern US and England. I don't know how those people found my blog but I think it's cool! Tell your friends and keep reading. I would love a comment from someone in Nepal or Uzbekistan. That'd be sweet. As always remember, no Payne no gain!

Caledonia Native Protest - Lunacy on a Grand Scale

The protest has reached it's peak of ridiculousness with the latest over the top incident and I am left wondering why we tolerate this.

Members of the US Border Patrol observing the OPP handle the Six Nations protestors were dragged out of their vehicles and roughed up by these total idiots. Their vehicle was even stolen and used to attempt a rundown of a law enforcement official. Now some of the Six Nations people are saying that they will deal with the offenders themselves....WHAT?! That is unbelievable! The Ontario Government and the OPP have said that that will not suffice and that the Criminal Code of Canada is the law that shall apply in this case. These Criminals need to go to jail immediately.

I can't explain the rage I feel towards the protestors at this point. They want to be taken seriously and to have their case heard but all I can think of is how badly they have effected Caledonia. I don't give a s*** about their 'cause' now because I think it's time to send in the Military and clear them out. I realize this is a narrow, intolerant view, but I am sickened by their continued lack of class and childish actions.

So far they have in no particular order;

-Disrupted rail service to the region

-Delayed emergency vehicles

-Caused several scuffles and near riots

-Knocked out power to the area

-Desecrated the Canadian Flag

-Scared local residents

-Created a tremendous amount of traffic and anxiety in Caledonia

-Set fires

-Clashed with police

-Repeatedly broken the law

-Committed several criminal acts

-Created racial tensions and damged relations between our proud first nations and the rest of Canada.

-Stolen confidential info on undercover operations by the OPP including names and phone numbers of OPP Officers.

-Not to mention the fact that none of this has actually forwarded the cause they were trying to resolve.

Don't get me wrong I understand they believe they were slighted, and as I mentioned before, if that's the case they deserve to have their day in court. I even support them setting up a blockade at the construction site to bring the situation to light. The first week I actually supported them but now all I feel is disgusted. I also know that there are MANY people out there that are much less tolerant and I can't repeat what they think. Doesn't the Six Nations leadership realize how much damage they are doing to themselves? Part of the problem is they can't decide who their leadership is, and it's become nothing more than an angry, disorganized mob.

As for the government, I feel they have been far too comprimising and as I said earlier, how far will they let these people go before they take action? Do we really want another Oka crisis? Because that is where we are headed if action isn't taken soon.

I no longer have any sympathy for the Six Nations hooligans and the sooner they are rounded up and arrested or dispersed the better. This has gone on too long.

Until next time remember, no Payne no gain.

Bonehead of the Week #3 - Soccer Players

Now before you hang me for insulting 'the World's Greatest Game' I don't actually mean all soccer players, I mean certain ones in particular. Let me explain.

Fans of football, as it's called everywhere but in North America, like to talk about the speed, the footwork, the sheer athleticism and grace these players possess. Not to mention the power and technique of some of their kicks. 'Bending it like Beckham' is not as easy as you may think, especially when you consider how hard it is to aim when a guy is all over you. As a person that played soccer growing up and some as an adult I must say that I love the game, even if it is a little boring to watch on TV sometimes.

I am naming some soccer players as my Bonehead of the Week for one reason only.

DIVING

I have never in my life seen so much overacting, with the exception of most Gary Busey movies. Every little tap or bump and these guys go down like they were sniped by Lee Harvey Oswald. The hands go to the legs, the mouth drops wide open, the rolling from side to side begins and then the medics carry them off on a stretcher while the player looks to the ref to make a call. It's disgusting and the worst part is that once a call is made these guys appear to miraculously recover. It would be one thing if it happened once or twice in a game, but it happens dozens of times and really detracts from the game.

For being better divers than Greg Louganis, and acting worthy of an Oscar, I award my Bonehead of the Week title to Soccer Players.

Stay tuned this week for more on the UFC, NHL Playoffs the World Cup and all sorts of stuff. Until next time remember, no Payne no gain.

The Ultimate Fighter Season 3

Last night's episode of TUF3 was one of the best in a long time with lots of twists and turns. All the semi-final matches are set and we now know who the first finalist is for the middleweights.

The episode started with the news that Matt Hamill was not going to be able to continue even though he won his fight, as he hyper-extended his arm. The hearing-impaired phenom gained a lot of respect in the last couple of shows and it's a shame he can't continue. UFC President Dana White had to bring back a fighter, but who would he bring back to replace Matt? Dana, along with the coaches (Shamrock and Ortiz), Interviewed possible replacements and surprisingly Tait and the Cajun poet Kristian both declined to come back, virtually guaranteeing that they are finished in the UFC.

Tattooed Mike, Matt Hamill's victim, couldn't continue since his nose was busted so what could Dana do? Luckily, deposed Brit Ross Pointon volunteered to come up in weight and fight as a light heavyweight. I think the guy sucks but at least he is willing which is why Dana loves the guy.

So then it was matchup time. for the light heavyweights the semifinals would be;

-Clash of the bad hair with the freshly shorned Mohawk of former loser Jesse vs the blue-haired crybaby Josh. I wish they could both lose but I think it goes to Jesse.

-The other match is the 'Battle of Britain' featuring Michael Bisping vs the newly returned Ross "I'll smash his face in yeh" Pointon. Ross has no skills on the ground and doesn't listen to coaching so I think Bisping will finish him early and with extreme prejudice.

As for the middleweights,
-Rory the geek vs big mouth Ed Herman, They have a hate on for each other but Rory is weak and Ed will destroy him.

-then it's the lone Canadian Kalib Starnes fighting against the Hawaiian Kendall Grove. This fight actually took place last night and started well. Kalib came out hard and took it to Kendall with a slam and lots of good shots, including a cut on the nose by the end of round 1. Unfortunately Kendall landed a solid knee that injured Kalib's ribs in the second round and he lost momentum and eventually quit in the 3rd. Oh well at least he made it farther than perennial pansy Jason Thacker on season 1 and I am sure we haven't seen the last of Kalib Starnes.

Watching Shamrock shark Ortiz at pool for 10,000 bucks was a lot of fun and I was surprised to see Ortiz shake hands after losing to his sworn enemy. I wondered though, why give 10 large to a rich guy? Why not split it between the guys on Shamrock's team instead?

So all the lunatics are back in the asylum next week, with all the former contestants allowed back to 'assist with training.' Bad move, and none of the remaining contestants like it. I don't understand why you would want a house full of bored fighters partying and disturbing the remaining fighters but then I don't run the UFC. It looks like Ed Herman and Kendall Grove are going to continue being absolute losers if the preview for next week is any indication. I don't like any of the middleweights, they act worse than I did when I was fresh out of high school. It looks like the guys use Rory's stuff as their own toilet which I could probably do without. I dunno maybe somebody will enjoy that, but I just wanna see the fights.

I say that the winners of TUF3 this year will be;

-light heavyweight - Michael Bisping, and

-middlewight - Ed Herman

I think Matt Hamill may have been the best fighter on the show and I look for Dana White to give him a chance in a future UFC PPV or Ultimate Fight Night. The kid is too talented to ride off into the sunset.

That's it for this week, stay tuned over the weekend for the 3rd installment of Bonehead of the Week, and if you can't find anything to do this weekend, don't forget about the World Cup. Go Ecuador!

Until next week remember, no Payne no Gain!

World Cup Primer for Dummies (Like me)

What? You have no clue about the World Cup of Soccer? The largest sporting event in the world? It's ok I don't know much either but I can sum it up for all you newbies out there that want to know more, but not too much more. So here is my extremely uncomplicated World Cup Primer for Dummies; (like me)

WHAT IS IT? - A Soccer competition viewed by billions of people around the globe. It involves the national teams of the 32 highest ranked countries in the world who qualify out of 6 zones that span the Earth. It happens once every 4 years with this one happening in Germany.

Canada made it to the World Cup in 1986 but that was the only time. We are not in this World Cup. We're more of a Hockey/Curling hotbed.

WHO WILL WIN? - There are a few countries you may not be familiar with like; Ivory Coast, Ghana, Togo or Angola but they apparently are better than Canada so no laughing at them. The Powerhouse in Soccer is Brazil with 5 titles, which is the most by any country. They are favoured to win an unprecedented 6th Cup at 5/2 odds. The other notables (and their odds of winning) are England (8/1), Germany (8/1), 2nd ranked Czech Republic (32/1), 3rd ranked Holland (14/1) or 4th ranked Mexico (37/1). The USA is ranked 5th in the World by FIFA (Soccer's international governing body) and has 40 - 1 odds.

HOW DOES THE COMPETITION WORK? - It starts tomorrow and runs until July 9th with 64 games in 30 days. The teams are divided into 8 groups of 4 and play 1 game against all 3 other teams in their group. The top two teams advance, with the winner of each group facing a second place team from another group. Then quarter-finals and semi-finals before the big game on July 9th.

WHO SHOULD I CHEER FOR SINCE CANADA SUCKS AND DIDN'T MAKE IT? - Excellent question! I believe the law requires you to cheer for a country that your family originated from. So I should be cheering for Holland or England. Ask your Mom and Dad where your family originated and cheer for that team. It doesn't matter if you know any of the players since you are only on the bandwagon until the World Cup is over. Another way to decide is to pick one of the favoured teams and that way you know you get to cheer for longer. In fact cheering for Brazil will probably gain you bragging rights when they win. The final strategy is to cheer for anyone but the USA, c'mon they already own football and basketball and track and field and golf and sometimes baseball so they don't need soccer.

Soccer fans are the craziest psycho's in history but very entertaining. Buy some merchandise, cheer loudly and sing the Ole ole ole song until your lungs bleed. After all it only happens once every 4 years.

So there it is all you really need to know to enjoy the World Cup. By the way just so you don't look stupid don't say to anyone 'The World Cup OF SOCCER' since it is the World Cup and real fans already know. Just call it the World Cup and you'll be fine. Maybe in 4 years Canada can jump up 51 spots and get into the top 32 (we're #83 right now) until then jump on someone else's bandwagon like Trinidad and Tobego maybe, or Tunisia and enjoy the fun.

Until next time remember, no Payne no gooooooooooooooooooooooal!

The Evolution of the Barbecue

The weather is excellent and every weekend we creep closer and closer to summer holidays. What a fine time to talk about the all important rite of passage for any man, Barbequing!

When I was a kid no one had propane. My Dad and everyone else used the trusty old Hibachi. When I look at a Hibachi now I am amazed that anything could get cooked on such a small surface. It may seem inconvenient now but as a kid part of the fun/torment was waiting for the coals to get hot. Dad would set up the coals, strategically placing the firestarter cubes, (which I used to swipe and use to set my model cars on fire, I was a twisted child) then light them all and wait for the coals to turn grey. Of course there was no controlling the temperature so Dad had to place the little racks on various levels to get the right temperature and occassionally the rack would slip and your hot dog would land on the ground or in the coals. "Oh stop whining son, a little ash never hurt anyone." My Dad would say while I muttered under my breath about Pompeii and Mt Vesuvius. I must admit though that to this day nothing tastes better than food cooked over real coals.

Later we got the big barbecue with the lid and the battery powered rotisserie. Fancy Schmancy! I don't remember the rotisserie ever working right but then my memory sucks. I do remember that it had a lot more room but it was also easy to tip over, and generally trying to pick up the hot coals so you don't set the grass on fire...doesn't work well at all. At least with my fingerprints burned off the police can't catch me!

After I grew up and moved out on my own I finally had a propane BBQ! That puppy was sweet! I must admit though it wasn't without problems. Sure it was nice to have all that space and to be able to get the grill going so quickly but nothing is as frustrating as running out of propane. I have run out so many times in the middle of cooking supper it has become something of a habit. Yah yah I know you can buy attachments and guages and stuff but that just wouldn't be my style to spend extra money for no reason. I once ran out of propane during a party where I invited 15 people to my house and it was too late to refill the tank. "Hey guys you wanna order pizza?" as I was pelted with empty beer cans and half cooked steaks.

Not enough propane could be rough but not as bad as too much propane. I am sure everyone has had trouble lighting their barbecues since those little igniter buttons work about as well as Korean built cars. So like everyone else I used matches, unfortunately one time it was windy and I had a little trouble keeping the match lit. I may also have been a little distracted as I was talking on the phone. I decided, while talking, that maybe I should lift the lid so that it could block the wind...

BOOM!

I had been squatting down to reach the hole when I lifted the lid and didn't realize the propane had been on high for 20 seconds. After picking up the phone and explaining that I had to go I searched for my eyebrows/eyelashes and sent out an APB for my missing bangs all the while thanking my lucky stars that I had most of my face left. I didn't need a hospital visit but I had some pretty embarrassing moments explaining my appearance for a couple of days. To make matters worse, the hot dogs I planned on eating were already in the guts of my sneaky room mate and I ended up making Cup-a-soup.

All in all though I am mostly proud of my culinary creations using the trusty old grill. I have made steaks/chicken/burgers etc. but I have also made some wild stuff like corn on the cob, stir fry and even baked stuff using the barbecue. In fact even if a guy can't make toast on his own he should be able to barbecue. It's the guy code. It's in our DNA to hunt and forage and of course char mammal flesh over an open flame. Even cavemen cooked meat over a fire and here's the best part; (Make sure no women are looking)...If you burn it, just say it's 'Cajun Blackened'...it works everytime and they will think you are a gourmet! Ha ha.

I hope I have inspired you now and that you are ready to spark up that grill and baste, sear and shish-ke-bab your way to a fantastic summer. Oh and if you manage to come across my eyebrows I'd appreciate a call. Until next time remember, no Payne no gain!

Blogger Buffet - Doin' a little Catch-up!

Howdy gang, sorry I have been so lame lately but things are better now. (for further info please refer to BOTW #2)

Today I am going to give you my latest take on Hockey, terrorism football and maybe some basketball and Canadian Idol.

STANLEY CUP FINALS - Wow what a difference a few minutes makes. Here the Oilers are up 3-0 and everyone in Edmonton is planning a parade when Carolina screws it up. Obviously they never read the script. They storm back to take the lead and then with the game tied and overtime looming. Boom! The unthinkable happens and Roloson is knocked out of the game and likely the series with an injured leg. Now poor Ty Conklin, who hasn't played since there was snow on the ground and has never been in a playoff game must hold the fort. Nope! Conklin decides to make a blind pass to Smith and Brind'Amour thanks them politely for the offering and then returns the puck to its natural home and the Oilers are finished. I don't want to sound alarmist but the Oilers are finished.

TERRORIST PLOT FOILED - So our intrepid police forces in southern Ontario stopped a terrorist cell from carrying out an attack on Canadian soil. Awesome, it's good to see our security is being looked after, too bad the US has put a negative spin on it. They are up in arms saying that this is proof that security must be tightened on the Canada/US border. Our immigration is too lax and we are letting in bad guys. It's only a matter of time, etc... Excuse me but wasn't it the US that let the Sept 11th bad guys in to the US? I don't think Canada had anything to do with it. If anything this should prove that we are on the ball. Oh well what can you expect from the lot down south?

STEVE NASH AND PHOENIX SUNS BOUNCED FROM NBA PLAYOFFS - So Victoria's best export does battle against his former team and comes up short much to the delight of Mavs owner Mark Cuban. Could it be that letting Nash go was the best move for BOTH clubs? Too bad the two-time MVP couldn't go head to head with Shaq. That may have silenced the critics. I am not a big NBA fan so for me the playoffs are now over.

DEAL OR NO DEAL - Howie Mandel's show featuring babes, briefcases and big bucks is the latest gameshow phenomenon and I finally watched it the other night. That show rules! I am addicted already and can't wait for the next episode. Great vehicle for Howie.

CFL FOOTBALL AND RICKY WILLIAMS - So the CFL has decided to honour NFL suspensions....starting next year. I think it is probably a good thing and gives our league more credibility but having said that I will miss some of the talent that we've had here. This year will be a real treat watching Williams dominate the CFL. At his current pace he will finish the year with 126 yards rushing (7 yards per game). Now I am only kidding and am quite sure he will have a few big games but I don't think he will dominate to the level that he can be called the greatest back in CFL history like my friend 'The Coach' says. Did anyone else care what Joe Theismann said about the CFL and Ricky Williams? Theismann is an idiot and this just proves it. Williams may be an oddball that smoked some pot but he is hardly a hard core 'drug addict' or bad guy. Joe, Lighten up and move on, nobody pays attention to you anymore.

CANADIAN IDOL - Ben Mulroney and friends have hit the airwaves with another season of Canadian Idol...Who cares. I'm not watching it.

NHL RETURNS TO WINNIPEG! - Ok ok settle down, it's only for one night but you know that the return of the NHL rumours will spin out of control around the date of this exhibition game between Edmonton and the Phoenix Coyotes (former Jets). They are apparently using similar prices to a regular NHL game to guage interest but I think it is about the same as waving a chocolate bar in front of a fat kids face to tease the Winnipeg fans with the NHL.They will come out in droves and they still chant "Go Jets Go!" here even at the Moose games. I doubt the NHL will return here again full time but the fans can dream.

There. All caught up now and ready to move on. If you are bored and have nothing to do tonight why not check out the release of the movie 'THE OMEN' tonight in theatres with a great marketing coup, debuting on 6/6/06, pretty good for a movie about Satan's offspring. I wonder if it will live up to the original.

I am slowly returning to solid food after my bout with the stomach flu so I must go eat some crackers now. Until next time remember, no Payne, no gain!

Quick Hit - NHL Playoffs - Stanley Cup Final prediction

Edmonton is the 3rd Canadian team since the 1993 Montreal Canadiens to make it to the Cup Final. Vancouver in 94 and the Flames all made it to game 7 before losing and now the Oilers will try and change that trend. The newly crowned "Canada's Team" Will try and prove that the new CBA is everything it was advertised to be and all that action starts tonight! Long overdue and thank goodness that Dora and Sesame Street won't interfere.

While there are many intriguing storylines like the return of Doug Weight, The run of Cam Ward or the unlikely return of Rem Murray, frankly this series has no history and just doesn't excite me. Who knows, maybe the series will go 7 games and be one for the ages.

Oh and just for the record I am reeeeeeeeeally tired of the constant whining about how this playoff year and specifically this series aren't selling well down in the States...WHO CARES! If the American public is too stupid to appreciate the game of hockey then it's their problem. We need to stop bending over backwards at the expense of the true fan to attract people with no idea about the game. Focus on making the game better and if that happens then the fans will come, regardless of their nationality.

When it comes to predictions Maggie the Monkey is a phenomenon. Her predictions have been eerily correct and with that in mind lets see who she picked in the final. After 3 rounds Maggie the Monkey is now 9 of 14, as is 'the coin' while I am a woeful 6 of 14. The moment we have all waited for is finally here so lets get to the predictions. Kind of boring really as the primate, the coin and I all picked Edmonton.

Edmonton is on fire and has the complete team. I am not convinced that Carolina can keep it together, with so many rookies and an inexperienced netminder in Cam Ward. The main difference between these teams is Chris Pronger and Carolina just doesn't have anyone on the blueline of that caliber. I also give the edge to Edmonton in goal, Roloson is a veteran that has seen it all and Ward is the youngest goalie since Roy in 86 to start in the final. I say he cracks and then it goes back to Gerber who is too rusty now. Carolina has a slight edge at forward but it won't matter. The Oilers may be rusty from the layoff so I will say if they lose tonight Oilers in 6. If they win tonight Oilers in 5.

Bonehead of the Week #2 - Me

This past week has sucked beyond belief and while some of it is bad luck, a lot of it is my own doing. Let me break it down for you.

It all started Tues night when I ended up missing my son's soccer game. Wednesday was the lo-lite though. At work I completely blew it and missed a job that I entered on the schedule. the you-know-what hit the fan with the force of a hurricane and pretty soon my name was being used in vain all over the place. Now that would have been tolerable if it stopped there but then I screwed up the following day, just as I thought I was correcting the previous day's nightmare.

I got home and tried to put it behind me but then Thurs I missed soccer again as I got called in to work.

Friday looked to be a huge improvement since it was a day of golf with the people from work...I forgot somwhere along the way that I am the Anti-Tiger. I am possibly the worst golfer ever. I mean I could have thrown the ball further than I hit it and my swing was as graceful as Evander Holyfield on that 'Dance with the Stars' show. Ugh!

In the midst of this nighmarish week I managed to write zero blog entries and even my one week old BOTW feature that I planned to do every Saturday is being written well after midnight early Monday morning as I have a serious bout of the stomach flu. I hope it's the stomach flu, either that or I have food poisoning from something I made. WIth the way my week went I suppose it would make sense.

For being a forgetful idiot with zero golf ability, I award myself with the title of Bonehead of the Week. Let's hope this week sucks less.